Mighty to save

My new computer has arrived, let the blogging begin!
Today is August 30th 2010, and the Brittanie writing this entry is a totally different Brittanie than the one who wrote the last entry three months ago. I usually begin by saying that I don’t know where to begin, but at this point in my life the beginning is obvious, it’s unquestionable and absolute like the end. One of my favorite quotes is from Eat, Pray, Love and it says, “Look for God, look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water”, and after a lifetime (a short lifetime, but a lifetime nonetheless) of tirelessly exploring God and searching diligently for Him and being on a tedious spiritual journey I have finally found God and for the first time in my life I can say with no disclaimers or hidden guilt that I am a Christian. I am a follower of Christ. I’ve been born again and I have dedicated my life to God.
I know this may seem a bit strange to some because I’ve always had a close relationship with God. I’ve always prayed and seeked God’s face, but Christianity has always scared me. I honestly thought it was a bit cult-ish. I disagreed with the idea that there is only one way to God and that’s through Jesus. I didn’t believe that the bible could actually be the unbiased word of God because it was written by men. I felt condemned so I just always stayed close to God, went to Christian church, but NEVER called myself a Christian so as to not be tied down by the “rules”. Thank God that He’s a patient God and that he will wait for us because as most of you know I’m not the kind of person who can just accept something because someone else tells me that it’s true. I have a pretty rebellious spirit and I want to see things for myself. I learn from experience. I’m the girl that has to get burnt by the fire before I believe that it’s hot, my Mommy’s warning was never sufficient. I am the same way when it comes to spirituality. Just because my family is Christian and because some book tells me that a man named Jesus that I’ve never seen came down and died for my sins doesn’t make me believe it. I have to see it; I have to experience it to believe it. God knew that so He’s given me just that: an experience. He revealed his truth to me, the truth of the trinity, and the truth of His Word, and most of all the truth of his love. The truth that I cannot just make God out to be what makes me feel comfortable, but I have to listen to the Holy Spirit and read my bible and get to know Him for who he actually is. He has healed the broken image I had of Him loving and slowly. I had to make a decision to turn, to accept that I was born sinful and had sinful desires. I had to make a conscious decision to let the Holy Spirit in and turn from a life of sin and decide to follow Jesus not just when it comes to the easy things like not stealing or cheating people, but the hard things like patience and purity and giving selflessly too.
I have found a wonderful church home, totally turned away from my life of pleasing my flesh in order to please God. I try my best to die to myself everyday and truly live through the spirit. I’ve found some wonderful earthly angels and mentors to help me with my walk. Because of the conviction of the spirit in me I’ve changed my lifestyle, the way I talk, the way I think, my goals. I’ve just been praying that God totally change my heart and make my heart a reflection of His, that He make His desires my desires, that the things that break His heart begin to break mine. It’s difficult because some of my closest friends have begun to pull away because things we once connected on I no longer engage in and because certain things I was absolutely sure about before I now absolutely disagree with. But even in the struggles I know God is glorified so its totally worth it. I’ve never felt more joy in my life, never felt so full and complete. God’s perfect love has just poured down on me so exponentially over the past six months and I’ve just fallen so absolutely head over heels in love with Him. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than in His presence and there’s nothing I want more in life than to please Him.