Today was an absolutely amazing day at work. To give you some back story, I have been feeling kind of restless about my work lately. Initially I was having a lot of trouble with the school because the sports coaches kept pulling my kids out for practices during drama class time. After weeks and weeks of trying to reach a fair compromise with Mr. Maquina (the head of sports) it came to a point where I had to make the children choose between sports and drama. I didn’t want to do that because it meant so much to the school administration that the students could do both, but having class became impossible. Every day it was something different. I was always missing at least half of my class because of some sports practice or event. So after a week of what felt like pulling teeth I finally got everyone together for a meeting. One Friday afternoon the 2 women that help me (Nonyomeko and Natalie), Mr. Maquina, myself and all the sports coaches had a meeting in which we reached a compromise: the children would have drama class on Mondays, Tuesday s and Saturday s and they would have sports activities the other four days of the week. Although I was sad to lose so much time with them I understood that it was only fair because drama and sports are equally beneficial and important.
As I expected, even the first day of the new schedule my class time was infringed upon for an impromptu soccer event. The next day was the same thing. So I put my foot down and in front of Mr. Maquina and the principal of the school explained to the children that they had to choose one or the other because of scheduling conflicts. I explained to them the importance of both drama and sports and made sure they understood that they should choose based on their own passion for each subject and not based on the teachers or pressure given from either side. After this tearful explanation and what I thought would be my final class because all of my students would leave drama where I’m so hard on them and expectations are so high for sports where they get to run and jump around and be carefree children. But to my surprise only one child left drama for sports and after being away for maybe twenty minutes he came back and said he’d made a mistake and he wanted to stay in drama class. He said he’d only chosen sports so that Mr. Maquina wouldn’t be angry with him. Because of all if this Mr. Maquina was extremely angry with me and told me never to ask him for anything ever again. But, if I didn’t make this executive decision the coaches would have just continued walking all over me and disrespecting my time and my class so I’d rather just bite the bullet and endure his anger.
But coincidentally the week after all of this occurred the teachers decided to go on strike. They’ve been on strike for two and a half weeks and its going to last an additional three weeks after which is spring break. In a nutshell my students are unfairly missing out on two whole months of seventh grade which is going to hinder them so greatly next year when they enter into high school (which begins with 8th grade here). I don’t understand how no one else here sees how huge of a problem this is… I think it’s absolutely absurd. Since the schools are closed we once again had to begin having class outside which is really difficult with the stuff we’re working on now. Also we only have a very small portion of our students because we have no way of communicating with the kids (except squeezing our huge car through the tiny roads in the township looking for kids to shout information to out of our car window that only works when it feels like it) to tell them that we are not striking like the rest of the teachers. So after a couple weeks of feeling really discouraged and almost getting to the point where I’d decided to just prematurely end the project before it began to fizzle away I talked to the Lord about it and He told me to persevere, which I did! And today I received my reward!
I have officially rented out a hall to hold our class in! It’s beautiful and so affordable- only R43 (about $6) per hour. I love it soooo much! It’s like a theatre with a stage and everything! It’s literally exactly what I envisioned when I thought this project up. It’s pretty much exactly like Lang Carson which is the hall we used to have YEA rehearsals in. The kids’ faces when they walked in were priceless! It made all the stress and money absolutely worth it! They were so pumped! We were in there for the first time today. My class has dwindled from the original 60 down to 42 this semester which is a much more manageable and enjoyable number. But because of the strike and lack of communication over the next few weeks its just 10 kids, Natalie, Nonyameko and myself so it’s very intimate.
Today was so amazing because we had what Freddie used to call a “round table” session. We sat our chairs in a circle and we had a deep conversation which is the seed for our next project. We base the play off of things that come out during the round table session. We interviewed each child about him/her self and the things that came out of their mouths were amazing/awful/inspirational/unbelievable/detestable/artistic/raw/beautiful/unmentionable- the perfect ingredients for one hell of a play! We only had time for eight interviews but here are the highlights from a few:
Masixole- 14 year old boy:
He said that the two things he loves most in this world are God and people. That was so beautiful to me because Jesus commands us to firstly love God with all of our hearts, souls and minds and secondly love our neighbor as ourselves (Matt 22:37-39). Therefore Masixole at the age of 14 just naturally has the heart of Jesus. He went on to tell me about how he wants to be a preacher. But it doesn’t stop there. He has started his own church branch with some youth from his home church and he is the pastor! This child really loves the Lord, its amazing! He talked about how his mother whom he loves very much is not a Christian. He prays for her to come to God everyday and he really believes that God is going to answer that prayer someday soon. His mother is a widow of two years. His father died from an “unknown disease” two years ago. He misses his father very much, but his mother is a great stand in. He says, “When I need a father she is a father to me. When I need a mother she is my mother.” His ultimate goal in life is to please God and become a great man.
Esethu-12 year old girl:
She began by saying, “I am who I am and I am what I am”. I’m not really sure what she meant by that, but I found it intriguing. She wants to be a judge so that she can stop sexual abuse of children. She told us the story of a young girl in her family that was raped at a very young age by a neighbor. She talked about how the girl totally changed after that. She was such a sad and closed child, her innocence was totally gone. It really affected Esethu and gave her a heart for young girls who are raped. She said that when she is a judge she will put all the abusers in jail. When I asked her if she had any final comments she wanted to make to the world she said she wanted to tell her country that they must be strong. That’s Esethu for you- my little activist.
Elihle- 13 year old girl
Elihle is stunningly beautiful. It’s the first and most noticeable thing about her. She is outwardly beautiful and she also has this inner beauty that radiates from inside her. It’s so huge, inescapable really. I asked her if she knows how beautiful she is and she replied with the most humble but confident and adorable “yes”. She said she is beautiful because she tells herself that she’s beautiful and her mother tells her that she is beautiful then she smiled that sunshine smile of hers. When I asked her to describe her house she described a little orange house with one bedroom, a kitchen, a toilet, and a dining room that sits in the middle of a huge crime zone but according to her is a little abode of safety. She said that when she is at home she feels absolutely happy and safe but when she steps outdoors is when she starts to feel afraid. Afraid of what? “The many people that are raping us and the criminals and the guns”. Elihle’s favorite memory is her grandmother’s 60th birthday. She loved it so much because her gogo looked so happy and was smiling a lot and because her family was all around. She ended with her signature smile that pulls a bit to the right and only shows her teeth at the very end.
Thandile- 14 year old girl
Thandile’s story was very inspirational. It’s really a story of faith. She told us about her parents’ divorce which happened years and years ago. They divorced because her mother got pregnant by a white man that lives in the town. They are now in a relationship and Thandile says the man is very nice, but her deepest yearning is for her parents to love each other again. Her father told her that because of the white man he doesn’t love her mother anymore, but Thandile prays every night for them to get back together. She lives in Cape Town with her father, and her mother and the other children live in a rural area in the Eastern Cape. Because her father is a single parent Thandile is frequently left home alone. One day she was awakened by the sound of an intruder and she was alone in the house. She tried to hide, but the man found her. She said in that moment she was very scared so she prayed. She asked God to come down and wrap her up in his wings and told him that if it was his will for her to be raped at this time then let his will be done, but if it wasn’t then may he rescue her which thank God he did. “Not my will, but thy will be done”(Matt 26:39): another child with the heart of Jesus. Wow.
Linda- 14 year old girl:
Linda began by telling us how much of a positive impact drama class is having on her life. She is staying off the streets and focused on what she’s learning. She is no longer getting into fights or hanging with the wrong crowd. Her family is very proud of her. But the story she told us after that was absolutely heart breaking. Linda has a problem with food. Everyone knows it; it what she’s known for. She’s overweight and she’s a bully, loves punking smaller children into giving her their food. But Linda’s food problem is not one simply of malice. She finds something in food that she can’t find anywhere else: love. Linda’s first time having sex was last year. She went with some of her older friends to a man’s house who gave them beer, meat, and candy in exchange for her virginity which she felt was a fair trade. He also offered them R200 (about $28) for each “round”, but Linda explained that she didn’t care about the money she just wanted the food. As she told the story she giggled to try and cover up the pain, but it wasn’t long before the tears she was desperately trying to hold back began to gloss over her eyes. For the first time since I’ve known her I was able to see through Linda’s tough-girl façade to the softer her, the hurting her, the ruined her. Thankfully her HIV test came out negative and her “sugar daddy” was put in jail, but it’s not long before that hunger she tries to satisfy with food becomes uncontrollable again. How low will she stoop next time? When will someone step in and address the actual problem instead of the effects of the problem? Where will Linda be five years from now?
These are only a few of the stories, but as you can see there is so much there. There is no need for me to have them make up stories when their own are so interesting! I must say that many of the stories made me very sad, but more than that they made me happy because the kids are opening their mouths and saying telling them; that’s the first step. I feel like these stories are the beginning of the end of child rape, child prostitution, HIV, crime and much more. I’m so happy these few pre-teens after less than a year of drama class are beginning to tear down the walls of fear and use their voices as their weapons. It’s very inspiring. After class I treated them to dinner at Spur which is like the Applebee’s of South Africa. We had a really wonderful time, lots of smiles and laughter and love. And love is the ultimate goal after all isn’t it? <3
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Mighty to save
My new computer has arrived, let the blogging begin!
Today is August 30th 2010, and the Brittanie writing this entry is a totally different Brittanie than the one who wrote the last entry three months ago. I usually begin by saying that I don’t know where to begin, but at this point in my life the beginning is obvious, it’s unquestionable and absolute like the end. One of my favorite quotes is from Eat, Pray, Love and it says, “Look for God, look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water”, and after a lifetime (a short lifetime, but a lifetime nonetheless) of tirelessly exploring God and searching diligently for Him and being on a tedious spiritual journey I have finally found God and for the first time in my life I can say with no disclaimers or hidden guilt that I am a Christian. I am a follower of Christ. I’ve been born again and I have dedicated my life to God.
I know this may seem a bit strange to some because I’ve always had a close relationship with God. I’ve always prayed and seeked God’s face, but Christianity has always scared me. I honestly thought it was a bit cult-ish. I disagreed with the idea that there is only one way to God and that’s through Jesus. I didn’t believe that the bible could actually be the unbiased word of God because it was written by men. I felt condemned so I just always stayed close to God, went to Christian church, but NEVER called myself a Christian so as to not be tied down by the “rules”. Thank God that He’s a patient God and that he will wait for us because as most of you know I’m not the kind of person who can just accept something because someone else tells me that it’s true. I have a pretty rebellious spirit and I want to see things for myself. I learn from experience. I’m the girl that has to get burnt by the fire before I believe that it’s hot, my Mommy’s warning was never sufficient. I am the same way when it comes to spirituality. Just because my family is Christian and because some book tells me that a man named Jesus that I’ve never seen came down and died for my sins doesn’t make me believe it. I have to see it; I have to experience it to believe it. God knew that so He’s given me just that: an experience. He revealed his truth to me, the truth of the trinity, and the truth of His Word, and most of all the truth of his love. The truth that I cannot just make God out to be what makes me feel comfortable, but I have to listen to the Holy Spirit and read my bible and get to know Him for who he actually is. He has healed the broken image I had of Him loving and slowly. I had to make a decision to turn, to accept that I was born sinful and had sinful desires. I had to make a conscious decision to let the Holy Spirit in and turn from a life of sin and decide to follow Jesus not just when it comes to the easy things like not stealing or cheating people, but the hard things like patience and purity and giving selflessly too.
I have found a wonderful church home, totally turned away from my life of pleasing my flesh in order to please God. I try my best to die to myself everyday and truly live through the spirit. I’ve found some wonderful earthly angels and mentors to help me with my walk. Because of the conviction of the spirit in me I’ve changed my lifestyle, the way I talk, the way I think, my goals. I’ve just been praying that God totally change my heart and make my heart a reflection of His, that He make His desires my desires, that the things that break His heart begin to break mine. It’s difficult because some of my closest friends have begun to pull away because things we once connected on I no longer engage in and because certain things I was absolutely sure about before I now absolutely disagree with. But even in the struggles I know God is glorified so its totally worth it. I’ve never felt more joy in my life, never felt so full and complete. God’s perfect love has just poured down on me so exponentially over the past six months and I’ve just fallen so absolutely head over heels in love with Him. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than in His presence and there’s nothing I want more in life than to please Him.
Today is August 30th 2010, and the Brittanie writing this entry is a totally different Brittanie than the one who wrote the last entry three months ago. I usually begin by saying that I don’t know where to begin, but at this point in my life the beginning is obvious, it’s unquestionable and absolute like the end. One of my favorite quotes is from Eat, Pray, Love and it says, “Look for God, look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water”, and after a lifetime (a short lifetime, but a lifetime nonetheless) of tirelessly exploring God and searching diligently for Him and being on a tedious spiritual journey I have finally found God and for the first time in my life I can say with no disclaimers or hidden guilt that I am a Christian. I am a follower of Christ. I’ve been born again and I have dedicated my life to God.
I know this may seem a bit strange to some because I’ve always had a close relationship with God. I’ve always prayed and seeked God’s face, but Christianity has always scared me. I honestly thought it was a bit cult-ish. I disagreed with the idea that there is only one way to God and that’s through Jesus. I didn’t believe that the bible could actually be the unbiased word of God because it was written by men. I felt condemned so I just always stayed close to God, went to Christian church, but NEVER called myself a Christian so as to not be tied down by the “rules”. Thank God that He’s a patient God and that he will wait for us because as most of you know I’m not the kind of person who can just accept something because someone else tells me that it’s true. I have a pretty rebellious spirit and I want to see things for myself. I learn from experience. I’m the girl that has to get burnt by the fire before I believe that it’s hot, my Mommy’s warning was never sufficient. I am the same way when it comes to spirituality. Just because my family is Christian and because some book tells me that a man named Jesus that I’ve never seen came down and died for my sins doesn’t make me believe it. I have to see it; I have to experience it to believe it. God knew that so He’s given me just that: an experience. He revealed his truth to me, the truth of the trinity, and the truth of His Word, and most of all the truth of his love. The truth that I cannot just make God out to be what makes me feel comfortable, but I have to listen to the Holy Spirit and read my bible and get to know Him for who he actually is. He has healed the broken image I had of Him loving and slowly. I had to make a decision to turn, to accept that I was born sinful and had sinful desires. I had to make a conscious decision to let the Holy Spirit in and turn from a life of sin and decide to follow Jesus not just when it comes to the easy things like not stealing or cheating people, but the hard things like patience and purity and giving selflessly too.
I have found a wonderful church home, totally turned away from my life of pleasing my flesh in order to please God. I try my best to die to myself everyday and truly live through the spirit. I’ve found some wonderful earthly angels and mentors to help me with my walk. Because of the conviction of the spirit in me I’ve changed my lifestyle, the way I talk, the way I think, my goals. I’ve just been praying that God totally change my heart and make my heart a reflection of His, that He make His desires my desires, that the things that break His heart begin to break mine. It’s difficult because some of my closest friends have begun to pull away because things we once connected on I no longer engage in and because certain things I was absolutely sure about before I now absolutely disagree with. But even in the struggles I know God is glorified so its totally worth it. I’ve never felt more joy in my life, never felt so full and complete. God’s perfect love has just poured down on me so exponentially over the past six months and I’ve just fallen so absolutely head over heels in love with Him. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than in His presence and there’s nothing I want more in life than to please Him.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Love Never Fails
So at the end of my last post I said I would blog as soon as I received my congratulations letter. That did not happen, however you had to be hiding under a rock to not hear the great news. I told everyone I know. Which means that all of you beautiful people are already well aware. But, for blogging's sake (and simply because I love the way it sounds) let me repeat: I, Brittanie Richardson, am a recipient of the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust Grant. Now, im sure anyone who was to recieve this grant would be ecstatic, however I have to steal a few lines of this post to explain why in the world this means so much to me.
You see the last time I was in South Africa God and I had a little talk. It was the day that I went to the school for the first time and saw the vision of myself and all the kids around me and heard a voice from inside of me say "this is what you are supposed to be doing". That night I went home to the guest house I was staying at and I prayed. I prayed one of those conversation prayers though, you know the ones where you just really level with God and talk to him like he's your best friend? Well, yeah, I prayed one of those. I told Him how much I loved the work I did that day at the school. I thanked Him for the vision I recieved and told Him that I would absolutely love to see it come to pass. I said that I understood that He was calling me back to this particular country to work at this particular school with these particular kids. I commited myself to that calling and promised do all I could to make it come to pass. Above all of that though, my prayer was a prayer of surrender. I confessed to God that although I wanted so badly for this to come to pass I had no idea what to do to make it happen. How in the world could I afford to come back to South Africa alone and create a theatre program?!? I couldnt. So I surrendered it all to God. I said "Lord, if this is your will please provide for me". I put all my trust in God to make my dream come true. For the first time in my life ever I totally surrendered to God. I had absolute faith in this matter, unshakable faith that God would make a way for me. So I started saying to people "Im moving to South Africa to do drama work with children infected or affected by HIV/AIDS". I moved from my apartment in Philly and sold all of my furniture and most of my other belongings to prepare for my move to South Africa. I moved back home to Atlanta so I could live with my grandfather for free as I payed off bills to prepare for my move to South Africa. I set a date and secured a plane ticket to prepare for my move to South Africa. I had made my mind up, I was moving to South Africa.
But, if you took a look at my bank account it didnt look as if I was moving to South Africa. It looked like I was barely staying above water right where I was. I started a fundraising campaign with my dear friend Justin called "Art for Africa". The first fundraiser was held in Philly and I was sure that I would raise the bulk of the money then. The week of the event I did a 3 day fast where I prayed to God for $10,000 from this fundraiser. I invited loads of popular, and more importantly RICH Philadelphians. I invited the presidents of all the local universities, chairmen on every arts counsil around, the board members from all the local theatres, all of my college professors and UARTS connections, EVERYONE! But on the night of the event the room was filled with homeless people from the shelter I worked at (I told them they could come for free for obvious reasons) and my friends who had come to support me. Other than that there were only 2 other women there who had actually come because they had recieved an invitation. At first glance I thought the night was going to be a bust. How the hell was I gunna raise $10,000 from a room full of homeless people and college students?! But that night turned out to be one of the best, if not the best, nights of my life. All of the performers whom were all performing for free put their whole heart into their performances. They were all so incredibly beautiful! The love in the room that night was almost tangible. Two of my kids from the shelter made a speech and they did such an amazing job. The food was great, the people were great, the atmosphere was great, the art was beyond great. By the end of the night there was not a dry eye in the room. Everyone was so moved and inspired. It was absolutely perfect. So at the end of the night I realized that maybe the reason for that event wasnt to make $10,000 after all. Maybe it was simply a night for some people who really needed it to get together and experience God's love. The same thing happened at every other "Art for Africa" fundraiser I had. I never raised that $10,000, but every event was absolutely beautiful and people left feeling loved, inspired and full of joy.
So even after the last fundraiser and even as I was packing my bags to come here I never lost the faith. I never got discouraged. I kept believeing that God's word was true and that He keeps His promises so I believed that I would be getting that $10,000. Three months later not only did He bless me with ten, He blessed me with $20,000! Its just really a testiment of His faithfulness in my life. The grant writers said that because I've never written for a grant before I needed to write ten proposals in order to recieve one. I wrote one and got it. They also said that the grant makers would only give me half of what I asked for so I asked for $20,000 hoping to recieve $10,000. I recieved every penny of the $20,000 I asked for. That is called favor! God absolutely granted me favor with that Board of Trustees. There is no other way to explain it. He was in that room. He made the decision and it came to pass. So this whole thing just proves to me that when I actually just surrender to God and believe him to be everything that He says He is, He will protect, love and provide for me. That is such a comforting thing to know! The love I feel and the absolute faith that I now feel is just so much greater than what I have previously experienced. And the great thign is that even though this money will eventually go away, eventually be all used up, God never will be! No matter what counrty im in or what im doing He stays the same and will still love, protect and provide for me as long as I believe. Now this my friends, is humbling, conforting, exciting, awe-inspiring news so I just wanted to share it with you.
This was supposed to be a much longer blog about many mroe things but Hazel wants her computer back now so I gotta go.
Love and Light,
Nonceba
You see the last time I was in South Africa God and I had a little talk. It was the day that I went to the school for the first time and saw the vision of myself and all the kids around me and heard a voice from inside of me say "this is what you are supposed to be doing". That night I went home to the guest house I was staying at and I prayed. I prayed one of those conversation prayers though, you know the ones where you just really level with God and talk to him like he's your best friend? Well, yeah, I prayed one of those. I told Him how much I loved the work I did that day at the school. I thanked Him for the vision I recieved and told Him that I would absolutely love to see it come to pass. I said that I understood that He was calling me back to this particular country to work at this particular school with these particular kids. I commited myself to that calling and promised do all I could to make it come to pass. Above all of that though, my prayer was a prayer of surrender. I confessed to God that although I wanted so badly for this to come to pass I had no idea what to do to make it happen. How in the world could I afford to come back to South Africa alone and create a theatre program?!? I couldnt. So I surrendered it all to God. I said "Lord, if this is your will please provide for me". I put all my trust in God to make my dream come true. For the first time in my life ever I totally surrendered to God. I had absolute faith in this matter, unshakable faith that God would make a way for me. So I started saying to people "Im moving to South Africa to do drama work with children infected or affected by HIV/AIDS". I moved from my apartment in Philly and sold all of my furniture and most of my other belongings to prepare for my move to South Africa. I moved back home to Atlanta so I could live with my grandfather for free as I payed off bills to prepare for my move to South Africa. I set a date and secured a plane ticket to prepare for my move to South Africa. I had made my mind up, I was moving to South Africa.
But, if you took a look at my bank account it didnt look as if I was moving to South Africa. It looked like I was barely staying above water right where I was. I started a fundraising campaign with my dear friend Justin called "Art for Africa". The first fundraiser was held in Philly and I was sure that I would raise the bulk of the money then. The week of the event I did a 3 day fast where I prayed to God for $10,000 from this fundraiser. I invited loads of popular, and more importantly RICH Philadelphians. I invited the presidents of all the local universities, chairmen on every arts counsil around, the board members from all the local theatres, all of my college professors and UARTS connections, EVERYONE! But on the night of the event the room was filled with homeless people from the shelter I worked at (I told them they could come for free for obvious reasons) and my friends who had come to support me. Other than that there were only 2 other women there who had actually come because they had recieved an invitation. At first glance I thought the night was going to be a bust. How the hell was I gunna raise $10,000 from a room full of homeless people and college students?! But that night turned out to be one of the best, if not the best, nights of my life. All of the performers whom were all performing for free put their whole heart into their performances. They were all so incredibly beautiful! The love in the room that night was almost tangible. Two of my kids from the shelter made a speech and they did such an amazing job. The food was great, the people were great, the atmosphere was great, the art was beyond great. By the end of the night there was not a dry eye in the room. Everyone was so moved and inspired. It was absolutely perfect. So at the end of the night I realized that maybe the reason for that event wasnt to make $10,000 after all. Maybe it was simply a night for some people who really needed it to get together and experience God's love. The same thing happened at every other "Art for Africa" fundraiser I had. I never raised that $10,000, but every event was absolutely beautiful and people left feeling loved, inspired and full of joy.
So even after the last fundraiser and even as I was packing my bags to come here I never lost the faith. I never got discouraged. I kept believeing that God's word was true and that He keeps His promises so I believed that I would be getting that $10,000. Three months later not only did He bless me with ten, He blessed me with $20,000! Its just really a testiment of His faithfulness in my life. The grant writers said that because I've never written for a grant before I needed to write ten proposals in order to recieve one. I wrote one and got it. They also said that the grant makers would only give me half of what I asked for so I asked for $20,000 hoping to recieve $10,000. I recieved every penny of the $20,000 I asked for. That is called favor! God absolutely granted me favor with that Board of Trustees. There is no other way to explain it. He was in that room. He made the decision and it came to pass. So this whole thing just proves to me that when I actually just surrender to God and believe him to be everything that He says He is, He will protect, love and provide for me. That is such a comforting thing to know! The love I feel and the absolute faith that I now feel is just so much greater than what I have previously experienced. And the great thign is that even though this money will eventually go away, eventually be all used up, God never will be! No matter what counrty im in or what im doing He stays the same and will still love, protect and provide for me as long as I believe. Now this my friends, is humbling, conforting, exciting, awe-inspiring news so I just wanted to share it with you.
This was supposed to be a much longer blog about many mroe things but Hazel wants her computer back now so I gotta go.
Love and Light,
Nonceba
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Circle of Life
Rain, rain, go away!! It is officially winter so it is raining like crazy in Cape Town these days! And the thing about rain here is that is always brings friends: heavy wind and bitter chill. Now remember my room is outside so I have no escape from the weather. So me, the rain, and the cold have done some intense bonding over the last week. As annoying as it is for me to stand in the pouring rain and heavy winds as I wait for the bus in the mornings, and as cold as my bed is every night no matter how many blankets I have, there are some things that I absolutely love about this weather. I LOVE laying in my bed at night and listening to the rain. The sound is so loud in my room. Its like being caught in a rain storm and hiding under a tree for shelter. I can see and hear the rain all around me, but I don't get wet. I love it. It's absolutely beautiful.
Although summer is my favorite time of year and I could sit in the sun at the beach my entire life and be totally happy, I do have respect for winter. I do not enjoy it, but I respect it. Winter is a time where things die and are washed away in preparation for the next season of growth. I don't know the verse off of the top of my head, but somewhere in the bible it talks about old things being washed away and all things becoming new. In order for the new, for the next stage of growth to come, some "old" things have to die. That's just the way God intended it. Unfortunately, I learned this all to well this week.
My week was amazing with the kids. As I said in my last blog the orphanage has unfortunately fallen apart since the owner has been in the hospital so most of the kids have vanished, but my work with the kids at the school has been going great!! Sadly, this week is my last week with them because they start exams next week and then go on break for June and July. So after tomorrow I have about 2 months off from work. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for 2 whole months!
So because its the last week the kids have been working on their final skits for me all week. They have been going really great! There are 4 groups. Each group picked a topic then created, directed, and performed their masterpieces. Tomorrow we are having a last day celebration and they will perform the final products then. I am so excited to watch them! They worked so hard on them and as I've been coaching each skit I have seen the drastic improvement. It brings so much joy to my heart!
However, when I came to work on Monday I got some really upsetting news. One of my children, a young boy, had passed away. Apparently he was not only HIV positive, he had AIDS, and I didn't even know it. He seemed perfectly healthy. He was always running around and doing Micheal Jackson dance moves and volunteering to participate in my demonstrations. I mean he was FULL of life, and then just like that, over the weekend, he is gone. I cant even really describe the feeling that I get when I think about it. I am still kind of in shock. It happened so quickly. The whole situation is just really, really sad.
So yesterday, Tuesday, the school staff held a prayer meeting at the boy's home which of course Natalie and I attended. The funeral is on Saturday. The school has rented a bus to transport us and all the 7th graders to the cemetery after the funeral, but the ceremony will be held at the home as well. As I was sitting in the prayer meeting I was looking around at this boy's home. It was just a tiny little shack handmade from tin and a few wooden planks. It was barely standing up. The wholes in the ceiling were stuffed with grocery bags and other trash to keep the rain out. The "beds" were mattresses on the floor, we had to bring in benches with us to sit on, and the closest toilet was over a block away. I couldn't help but think "My God, these are no ordinary middle class children i'm teaching here". I kept thinking about all I teach them about having big dreams and holding your head up high and using your full voice and using up the entire space on the stage... as I was looking around I just realized how foreign that all sounds to them. I am so hard on them about holding their heads up high when it is physically impossible for them to do so in their own homes! I tell them to use their entire bodies and the entire stage space when they are used to sleeping with multiple people in one bed and trying to take up as little space as possible! My point is: THESE KIDS ARE WORKING HARD!! They are stepping outside of everything they know to succeed in my class. That thought really humbled me. It made me feel as though what i'm teaching them is really making a big difference in their lives. It's opening doors for them and showing them a world they might not otherwise have known exists. I am just so thankful to be able to provide that for them. And as I said before this is the season (literally) for death so that we can prepare for growth and new life in the future. So I am trying not to let my child's death get me down too much, im trying to just remember that its just God making space for all the new and great things He has in store. I was so blessed to have my precious little angel with me for 2 joy-filled months and now I have to focus on creating more and more joy-filled days, months, and hopefully years with the 39 precious angels I have left and hopefully the many more that are to come.
Also, speaking of the good things that are to come, THIS SATURDAY is the day that the Board of Trustees from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust have their meeting where they decide on who gets the grant money. They will inform us of their decision next week!! Please say a special prayer for me on Saturday that God blesses me with favor so the Board will choose me! WHEN i get my letter of congratulations I will Blog about it right away!
Happy mothers day mothers! Love and light to you all!
"Nonceba"
Although summer is my favorite time of year and I could sit in the sun at the beach my entire life and be totally happy, I do have respect for winter. I do not enjoy it, but I respect it. Winter is a time where things die and are washed away in preparation for the next season of growth. I don't know the verse off of the top of my head, but somewhere in the bible it talks about old things being washed away and all things becoming new. In order for the new, for the next stage of growth to come, some "old" things have to die. That's just the way God intended it. Unfortunately, I learned this all to well this week.
My week was amazing with the kids. As I said in my last blog the orphanage has unfortunately fallen apart since the owner has been in the hospital so most of the kids have vanished, but my work with the kids at the school has been going great!! Sadly, this week is my last week with them because they start exams next week and then go on break for June and July. So after tomorrow I have about 2 months off from work. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for 2 whole months!
So because its the last week the kids have been working on their final skits for me all week. They have been going really great! There are 4 groups. Each group picked a topic then created, directed, and performed their masterpieces. Tomorrow we are having a last day celebration and they will perform the final products then. I am so excited to watch them! They worked so hard on them and as I've been coaching each skit I have seen the drastic improvement. It brings so much joy to my heart!
However, when I came to work on Monday I got some really upsetting news. One of my children, a young boy, had passed away. Apparently he was not only HIV positive, he had AIDS, and I didn't even know it. He seemed perfectly healthy. He was always running around and doing Micheal Jackson dance moves and volunteering to participate in my demonstrations. I mean he was FULL of life, and then just like that, over the weekend, he is gone. I cant even really describe the feeling that I get when I think about it. I am still kind of in shock. It happened so quickly. The whole situation is just really, really sad.
So yesterday, Tuesday, the school staff held a prayer meeting at the boy's home which of course Natalie and I attended. The funeral is on Saturday. The school has rented a bus to transport us and all the 7th graders to the cemetery after the funeral, but the ceremony will be held at the home as well. As I was sitting in the prayer meeting I was looking around at this boy's home. It was just a tiny little shack handmade from tin and a few wooden planks. It was barely standing up. The wholes in the ceiling were stuffed with grocery bags and other trash to keep the rain out. The "beds" were mattresses on the floor, we had to bring in benches with us to sit on, and the closest toilet was over a block away. I couldn't help but think "My God, these are no ordinary middle class children i'm teaching here". I kept thinking about all I teach them about having big dreams and holding your head up high and using your full voice and using up the entire space on the stage... as I was looking around I just realized how foreign that all sounds to them. I am so hard on them about holding their heads up high when it is physically impossible for them to do so in their own homes! I tell them to use their entire bodies and the entire stage space when they are used to sleeping with multiple people in one bed and trying to take up as little space as possible! My point is: THESE KIDS ARE WORKING HARD!! They are stepping outside of everything they know to succeed in my class. That thought really humbled me. It made me feel as though what i'm teaching them is really making a big difference in their lives. It's opening doors for them and showing them a world they might not otherwise have known exists. I am just so thankful to be able to provide that for them. And as I said before this is the season (literally) for death so that we can prepare for growth and new life in the future. So I am trying not to let my child's death get me down too much, im trying to just remember that its just God making space for all the new and great things He has in store. I was so blessed to have my precious little angel with me for 2 joy-filled months and now I have to focus on creating more and more joy-filled days, months, and hopefully years with the 39 precious angels I have left and hopefully the many more that are to come.
Also, speaking of the good things that are to come, THIS SATURDAY is the day that the Board of Trustees from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust have their meeting where they decide on who gets the grant money. They will inform us of their decision next week!! Please say a special prayer for me on Saturday that God blesses me with favor so the Board will choose me! WHEN i get my letter of congratulations I will Blog about it right away!
Happy mothers day mothers! Love and light to you all!
"Nonceba"
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Life Lesson
A lot has changed since the last time I blogged. I guess i'll just get the obvious out there first just for the sake of being able to read this years from now and remember my experience.
A couple weeks ago I moved out of my room in the house and into a room outside the house in the garden. It is the most gorgeous room ive ever seen in my life literally. It's hard to describe, but when you are in the room its like being inside and outside at the same time. You can hear the wind and the animals. There a pleants growing from outside into the room. It was a tool shed, but Hazel (the owner of the house) turned it into a room. Its Indian themed, there are beautiful rugs and fabrics covering the floors and walls of the room, there is gorgeous Indian art work, my door is glass so the sun shines right through, and as soon as you step outside my door you are in our gorgeous garden. The room has a very sacred and spiritual feel to it.
I have been wanting to move into this room for a very long time but it has always been occupied. Surprisingly the man that was living in the room before suddenly had to move out, so the room became available and I jumped right on it!
To be honest, my move into the room started out on a bad foot. I got a text from Hazel while I was at work one day saying that the room I wanted had suddenly become available. But unfortunately, although she never goes into our rooms, she was going to have to move all of my stuff out of my old room and into my new room while i was at work because someone was coming for my old room in just a couple hours. After reading that text I could feel my blood begin to boil. I was pissed! I stepped out of work for a moment and went to cool off. I took some deep breaths and began to monitor my emotions. Anger is not a pure emotion, it is secondary. It comes when you are feeling an extreme of another emotion such as hurt, guilt, rejection etc. So after some deep cleansing breaths and contemplation I realized that my anger had nothing to with Hazel. I've learned that in these situations in life you must always dig deep and find the reasons in you past experiences for your extreme emotional reactions because usually it has nothing to do with the person you are "angry" at, and everything to do with your own experience. I realized that what was happening was that all my previous experience with forced moving and people coming in while you are not home and moving your stuff which is such a blow to your privacy was coming up. I was taking all of my "anger" from those past experiences and allowing it to combine and then explode on this current situation and on Hazel who was just trying to do me a favor by giving me the room ive been wanting before someone else came and took it. As soon as I realized that I prayed about it, took some deep breaths and exhaled all of that negative energy, anger, and left-over emotion from past experience out into the universe where I allowed it to dissipate. I then inhaled all the love and forgiveness I could and felt it as it moved into my nose and then through my entire body. I came home and apologized to Hazel and pat myself on the back for breaking another pattern and moving one step closer to level of purity and love I want to reach in my life.
I lived happily in my room for about 3 nights before I made a HUGE mistake. I got too comfortable, and didn't listen to my inner spiritual guidance that was trying to lovingly speak to me. Now please understand that I do not believe in fault. I believe in responsibility wholeheartedly but I don't believe in placing fault. Anyway, it was a Friday night and Hazel, all my housemates, Mpho, and I went to go listen to a Marimba band playing in town. We got home at around midnight so Mpho just slept over. When we walked into my room I closed my door and put my keys on my night stand. As I laid my keys down my inner guidance softly, gently, and swiftly told me to lock my door. But, because I have to go outside to use the bathroom and I pee like a hundred times per night I decided to keep it unlocked so I can easily come back and forth to the bathroom. Mpho and I got into pj's, said a quick prayer, then laid in my bed and went to sleep. For maybe the 3rd time in my entire life I did not have to get up one time to use the bathroom. But at 6:20am I heard a noise, opened my eyes and saw a man standing over my bed. He quickly reached over, grabbed my computer which was right next to my bed, slammed it shut, and ran out. By the time I was fully alert and realized what had happened my computer was gone. It all happened so fast. When I opened my eyes I remember saying sleepily "someone's in my room" but it wasnt until he slammed the computer shut that I fully woke up and began to scream. I was totally in shock. I started to run after him, but quickly decided that that was a horrible idea as he may have been armed or had other men out there waiting for him. So, I sat there in shock and confusion as Mpho woke up and tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
Now, here's what is strange about the situation: In order to get into our garden this man had to break into our neighbor's yard which is protected by a very tall gate, choose not to break into her big beautiful house, somehow climb on top of her roof without a latter or anything, hop from her roof to our roof, come into our garden, walk past our huge 6 bedroom house that was UNLOCKED and filled with laptops, dvd players, cell phones etc but choose not to go in. He then had to pass the other room in the garden where 2 huge dogs that bark when they hear a car coming from a block away, but whom were absolutely silent this night, choose not to go into that room, go around a wall that conceals my door, quietly jiggle open my doorknob (its screwed on wrong so its hard to open) still without the dogs hearing, and come into my room. Some of you arent going to like this, but guys, this didnt happen by accident. I believe there was some sort of divine intervention. It was Life trying to teach me a huge lesson. On 4/21/2010 I wrote in my journal:
"I love my new room. Its so peaceful and serene and pure. Its weird to see my laptop in here lol. It looks like it doesnt belong. Technology just doesnt blend in to this room. I should leave my laptop in the house and use the time in my room for meditation and reading."
The next day 4/22/2010, after a hard day at work I wrote:
"I learned a very hard lesson today. I learned that no matter what I must TRUST and LISTEN (these words are capitalized in my journal not just here) to my "Ori", my internal spiritual guidance. It will not lead me astray."
Now the thing about life is, it will teach you lessons then present you with situations to test you and see if you've really learned the lesson or not, obviously I had not. I ignored my internal spiritual guidance and therefore, my laptop was stolen.
In addition to that lesson I have learned that we have to protect the "things" that we value. My laptop was the most valuable material thing that I owned and I did not protect it. So from this experience I learned what happens to the your valuables when you dont protect them: they get stolen. I had an epiphany. We tend to not protect our valuables. Im talking about things like our purity, our integrity, our friendships, our quite time, our time with family etc, so consequently people come and steal them away from us while we are not alert, while we are "sleeping". It is only afterwards that we realize what happened and ask ourselves questions like "Why is my relationship with my family so messed up? Why am I so stressed? Why am I so lonely? When did I stop taking time to pray? Wat ever happened to the good old days? Why is it so hard for me to hug my sister? Why am I still so angry with my mother/father? Why did I sleep with him/her? Why does what she said to me hurt so badly? etc etc etc. Guys, take it from me so you dont have to learn this lesson as painfully as I did: PROTECT the 'things' you value. Remember what/who is important in life. If you don't anyone can just come into your life while your not looking and take those things/people/memories/etc away from you and it will hurt.
Love and Light,
Nonceba
A couple weeks ago I moved out of my room in the house and into a room outside the house in the garden. It is the most gorgeous room ive ever seen in my life literally. It's hard to describe, but when you are in the room its like being inside and outside at the same time. You can hear the wind and the animals. There a pleants growing from outside into the room. It was a tool shed, but Hazel (the owner of the house) turned it into a room. Its Indian themed, there are beautiful rugs and fabrics covering the floors and walls of the room, there is gorgeous Indian art work, my door is glass so the sun shines right through, and as soon as you step outside my door you are in our gorgeous garden. The room has a very sacred and spiritual feel to it.
I have been wanting to move into this room for a very long time but it has always been occupied. Surprisingly the man that was living in the room before suddenly had to move out, so the room became available and I jumped right on it!
To be honest, my move into the room started out on a bad foot. I got a text from Hazel while I was at work one day saying that the room I wanted had suddenly become available. But unfortunately, although she never goes into our rooms, she was going to have to move all of my stuff out of my old room and into my new room while i was at work because someone was coming for my old room in just a couple hours. After reading that text I could feel my blood begin to boil. I was pissed! I stepped out of work for a moment and went to cool off. I took some deep breaths and began to monitor my emotions. Anger is not a pure emotion, it is secondary. It comes when you are feeling an extreme of another emotion such as hurt, guilt, rejection etc. So after some deep cleansing breaths and contemplation I realized that my anger had nothing to with Hazel. I've learned that in these situations in life you must always dig deep and find the reasons in you past experiences for your extreme emotional reactions because usually it has nothing to do with the person you are "angry" at, and everything to do with your own experience. I realized that what was happening was that all my previous experience with forced moving and people coming in while you are not home and moving your stuff which is such a blow to your privacy was coming up. I was taking all of my "anger" from those past experiences and allowing it to combine and then explode on this current situation and on Hazel who was just trying to do me a favor by giving me the room ive been wanting before someone else came and took it. As soon as I realized that I prayed about it, took some deep breaths and exhaled all of that negative energy, anger, and left-over emotion from past experience out into the universe where I allowed it to dissipate. I then inhaled all the love and forgiveness I could and felt it as it moved into my nose and then through my entire body. I came home and apologized to Hazel and pat myself on the back for breaking another pattern and moving one step closer to level of purity and love I want to reach in my life.
I lived happily in my room for about 3 nights before I made a HUGE mistake. I got too comfortable, and didn't listen to my inner spiritual guidance that was trying to lovingly speak to me. Now please understand that I do not believe in fault. I believe in responsibility wholeheartedly but I don't believe in placing fault. Anyway, it was a Friday night and Hazel, all my housemates, Mpho, and I went to go listen to a Marimba band playing in town. We got home at around midnight so Mpho just slept over. When we walked into my room I closed my door and put my keys on my night stand. As I laid my keys down my inner guidance softly, gently, and swiftly told me to lock my door. But, because I have to go outside to use the bathroom and I pee like a hundred times per night I decided to keep it unlocked so I can easily come back and forth to the bathroom. Mpho and I got into pj's, said a quick prayer, then laid in my bed and went to sleep. For maybe the 3rd time in my entire life I did not have to get up one time to use the bathroom. But at 6:20am I heard a noise, opened my eyes and saw a man standing over my bed. He quickly reached over, grabbed my computer which was right next to my bed, slammed it shut, and ran out. By the time I was fully alert and realized what had happened my computer was gone. It all happened so fast. When I opened my eyes I remember saying sleepily "someone's in my room" but it wasnt until he slammed the computer shut that I fully woke up and began to scream. I was totally in shock. I started to run after him, but quickly decided that that was a horrible idea as he may have been armed or had other men out there waiting for him. So, I sat there in shock and confusion as Mpho woke up and tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
Now, here's what is strange about the situation: In order to get into our garden this man had to break into our neighbor's yard which is protected by a very tall gate, choose not to break into her big beautiful house, somehow climb on top of her roof without a latter or anything, hop from her roof to our roof, come into our garden, walk past our huge 6 bedroom house that was UNLOCKED and filled with laptops, dvd players, cell phones etc but choose not to go in. He then had to pass the other room in the garden where 2 huge dogs that bark when they hear a car coming from a block away, but whom were absolutely silent this night, choose not to go into that room, go around a wall that conceals my door, quietly jiggle open my doorknob (its screwed on wrong so its hard to open) still without the dogs hearing, and come into my room. Some of you arent going to like this, but guys, this didnt happen by accident. I believe there was some sort of divine intervention. It was Life trying to teach me a huge lesson. On 4/21/2010 I wrote in my journal:
"I love my new room. Its so peaceful and serene and pure. Its weird to see my laptop in here lol. It looks like it doesnt belong. Technology just doesnt blend in to this room. I should leave my laptop in the house and use the time in my room for meditation and reading."
The next day 4/22/2010, after a hard day at work I wrote:
"I learned a very hard lesson today. I learned that no matter what I must TRUST and LISTEN (these words are capitalized in my journal not just here) to my "Ori", my internal spiritual guidance. It will not lead me astray."
Now the thing about life is, it will teach you lessons then present you with situations to test you and see if you've really learned the lesson or not, obviously I had not. I ignored my internal spiritual guidance and therefore, my laptop was stolen.
In addition to that lesson I have learned that we have to protect the "things" that we value. My laptop was the most valuable material thing that I owned and I did not protect it. So from this experience I learned what happens to the your valuables when you dont protect them: they get stolen. I had an epiphany. We tend to not protect our valuables. Im talking about things like our purity, our integrity, our friendships, our quite time, our time with family etc, so consequently people come and steal them away from us while we are not alert, while we are "sleeping". It is only afterwards that we realize what happened and ask ourselves questions like "Why is my relationship with my family so messed up? Why am I so stressed? Why am I so lonely? When did I stop taking time to pray? Wat ever happened to the good old days? Why is it so hard for me to hug my sister? Why am I still so angry with my mother/father? Why did I sleep with him/her? Why does what she said to me hurt so badly? etc etc etc. Guys, take it from me so you dont have to learn this lesson as painfully as I did: PROTECT the 'things' you value. Remember what/who is important in life. If you don't anyone can just come into your life while your not looking and take those things/people/memories/etc away from you and it will hurt.
Love and Light,
Nonceba
Monday, April 19, 2010
Even when things get rough...
I have been paying close attention to every detail of my life and the way I feel at every moment and why. As usual, I come here with the impression that I am here to help other people, but the reality is that every time I am the one that ends up being worked on. Spirit purposefully guides me here to help others but also to help and heal myself. Isolation works miracles y’all. It brings up all your stuff. It forces you to face things that you try to hide and bury when you are in the comfort of your everyday routine. But being absolutely alone and away from everything that is familiar forces you to lean on God whom forces you to get yourself together… at least that’s always been my experience. These past couple weeks my feelings have been so extreme. Either I am feeling devastating lonely and missing my family and friends and the comfort and familiarity of home sooo badly or I am feeing euphorically and indescribably joyful, happy and at peace. I find that the loneliness comes when something really exciting happens at work or something and I really wish I could call up a friend or family member to share, but I can’t. It’s hard having this amazing experience everyday and not having anyone to share it with. Then I feel that the joy, happiness and peace comes right when I get off of work everyday and reflect on the awesomeness that is my “job”. I literally have the best “job” in the world. There is nothing else that I’d rather be doing. There are things that I want to do next, but at this moment I am totally content. The joy comes in seeing the children growing and improving. They have grown sooooo much! Both the children in the orphanage and my children in my class at the school have soared over the past few weeks. God has really used me to help empower and enrich these children. It’s such an amazing thing to watch! I can’t even describe how much appreciation and peace fills my heart when I leave work everyday. And people always praise me and tell me how great I am, but the crazy thing is it really is not me! I promise you that I really could not do any of this on my own. I am a true living breathing example of what it means for Spirit to work through you. My class has grown even bigger and I now have about 60 kids. Brittanie cannot handle teaching drama to 60 kids, but somehow Spirit just guides me and speaks through me and I am able to handle them all. It’s really an amazing supernatural experience. I just can’t even describe it.
Anyway, lots of great things to report! I finally have an indoor classroom!!! It’s winter here now so the outdoors thing really was no longer working. Also, because there are so many kids my voice doesn’t carry to them all when we are outdoors so acoustically the indoors works so much better. Also, there are a lot less distractions inside. For example, a goat decided to observe my class last week and because I was outdoors there was nothing I could do about it, but now that problem is solved! The space I am using will not be available everyday and people don’t really respect my time there so they just walk through my class making noise whenever they want, but those are problems that can easily be solved. So, I am so grateful for my new indoor rehearsal space!
Also, I’ve been desperately trying to find people to supply food for my program. My class is afterschool and the kids are hungry afterschool so in order to keep their attention and as a reward for choosing to come to drama class instead of going out on the streets and becoming involved in all those negative things out there I need to provide food for them. Nothing big or anything, but at least a little snack. Most of them don’t have food at home as they so vividly explained to me when I asked why they were so aggressive when I pass out the sandwiches. The good news is that even though I did not find a sponsor I realized that I can be the sponsor! I realized that I can use the money I raised to sustain myself here for now to buy food for the kids because I know that God is going to bless me with the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust grant next month so there is no need for me to be so worried about money and sustaining myself here. I only have to get through this month because I have a huge blessing coming next month. So, for the past week Natalie and I have been serving the kids half of sandwich, a piece of fruit, and a cup of juice everyday. It costs me only about $10 American dollars per day to serve all 60 of them ( and I only go there 3 days per week) but each and everyday the children tell us how thankful they are and how they look forward to this meal all day and night so it is so totally worth it and its so incredibly humbling!
In other good news both the orphanage and the school are going a lot better this week than last week. Last week I was feeling pretty defeated and lost, but I kept going and just continued to pray about it and with time and patience everything has come together! The language barrier, my biggest obstacle, seems to be dissipating. I am learning more of their language and they are learning more of mine. We finally have a schedule at the orphanage where we do enriching activities with the children instead of just household tasks. My kids at the school are really coming out of their shells and starting to open up and create great work. They are also beginning to listen better and I don’t have as much trouble with discipline. So, slowly but surely things are coming together. Praise God!
Also I attended an amazing workshop this weekend. It was quite life changing and helped me to heal a lot of wounds that have been left unattended for years. As I said before, I went to the workshop to learn how to help and heal others, but I was the one who really experienced the healing. I also realized at this workshop how important it is for me to heal my wounds so that I can help heal others. As a part of the curriculum in the day care center at Abantwana Benceba we are going to teach the kids the program I learned at the workshop. We are going to do our part in preventing child sexual abuse and the spread of HIV/AIDS in children. The workshop was called Think Twice: Building a Foundation for Healthy Sexuality in Children. Basically it was a workshop for people who work with children which trained us on how to teach 4-7 year olds about healthy sexuality. The main contents were child sexual abuse and HIV/AIDS. Luckily, before going to the workshop I did not know that we would be learning about child sexual abuse because if I had I probably would not have gone. The first day was focused on teaching the kids about body pride and the difference between public and private parts. In the lesson we teach kids the proper terminology for their private parts and use visual aids such as paper stop lights and ‘thumps up’ and ‘thumbs down’ signs to show what parts of their bodies are ‘thumps up’ or ‘green light’ for people to touch (public parts) and which parts are ‘thumbs down’ or ‘red light’ for people to touch (private parts). We show illustrations of al different types of people: strangers, teachers, mothers, fathers, etc. and explain that it is NEVER right for ANYONE to touch you on your private parts. We also teach them three steps to follow if someone touches you on your private parts: 1) scream no! 2) run away (if you can) 3) tell an adult you trust. This lesson is accompanied by lots of fun and educational songs and dances as well as physical concentration boosters to keep the learners attentive and active. So to make a long story short this workshop and the concepts they teach are FABULOUS! I can’t wait to incorporate it into the work that I am doing.
I have a few prayer requests for you guys:
Please pray for my baby. Her name is Magaba. She is HIV positive and extremely sick right now. Please pray for her healing. She is the one you see me holding all the time in the pictures. Please just pray that she not experience any more pain.
Also please pray over the grant I applied for. It’s called the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust grant. Please pray that I receive all the money I asked for and that it makes a huge difference in both my and the children’s lives.
Please pray that God continue to bless me with the means to provide a meal for all the children everyday.
And lastly, please pray that God continue to make me more like Jesus. Pray that he strengthen me spiritually especially in the hard times and continue to humble me so that I may serve His people with a pure heart and without judgment or selfishness.
I love you all very much and thank you for reading.
Anyway, lots of great things to report! I finally have an indoor classroom!!! It’s winter here now so the outdoors thing really was no longer working. Also, because there are so many kids my voice doesn’t carry to them all when we are outdoors so acoustically the indoors works so much better. Also, there are a lot less distractions inside. For example, a goat decided to observe my class last week and because I was outdoors there was nothing I could do about it, but now that problem is solved! The space I am using will not be available everyday and people don’t really respect my time there so they just walk through my class making noise whenever they want, but those are problems that can easily be solved. So, I am so grateful for my new indoor rehearsal space!
Also, I’ve been desperately trying to find people to supply food for my program. My class is afterschool and the kids are hungry afterschool so in order to keep their attention and as a reward for choosing to come to drama class instead of going out on the streets and becoming involved in all those negative things out there I need to provide food for them. Nothing big or anything, but at least a little snack. Most of them don’t have food at home as they so vividly explained to me when I asked why they were so aggressive when I pass out the sandwiches. The good news is that even though I did not find a sponsor I realized that I can be the sponsor! I realized that I can use the money I raised to sustain myself here for now to buy food for the kids because I know that God is going to bless me with the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust grant next month so there is no need for me to be so worried about money and sustaining myself here. I only have to get through this month because I have a huge blessing coming next month. So, for the past week Natalie and I have been serving the kids half of sandwich, a piece of fruit, and a cup of juice everyday. It costs me only about $10 American dollars per day to serve all 60 of them ( and I only go there 3 days per week) but each and everyday the children tell us how thankful they are and how they look forward to this meal all day and night so it is so totally worth it and its so incredibly humbling!
In other good news both the orphanage and the school are going a lot better this week than last week. Last week I was feeling pretty defeated and lost, but I kept going and just continued to pray about it and with time and patience everything has come together! The language barrier, my biggest obstacle, seems to be dissipating. I am learning more of their language and they are learning more of mine. We finally have a schedule at the orphanage where we do enriching activities with the children instead of just household tasks. My kids at the school are really coming out of their shells and starting to open up and create great work. They are also beginning to listen better and I don’t have as much trouble with discipline. So, slowly but surely things are coming together. Praise God!
Also I attended an amazing workshop this weekend. It was quite life changing and helped me to heal a lot of wounds that have been left unattended for years. As I said before, I went to the workshop to learn how to help and heal others, but I was the one who really experienced the healing. I also realized at this workshop how important it is for me to heal my wounds so that I can help heal others. As a part of the curriculum in the day care center at Abantwana Benceba we are going to teach the kids the program I learned at the workshop. We are going to do our part in preventing child sexual abuse and the spread of HIV/AIDS in children. The workshop was called Think Twice: Building a Foundation for Healthy Sexuality in Children. Basically it was a workshop for people who work with children which trained us on how to teach 4-7 year olds about healthy sexuality. The main contents were child sexual abuse and HIV/AIDS. Luckily, before going to the workshop I did not know that we would be learning about child sexual abuse because if I had I probably would not have gone. The first day was focused on teaching the kids about body pride and the difference between public and private parts. In the lesson we teach kids the proper terminology for their private parts and use visual aids such as paper stop lights and ‘thumps up’ and ‘thumbs down’ signs to show what parts of their bodies are ‘thumps up’ or ‘green light’ for people to touch (public parts) and which parts are ‘thumbs down’ or ‘red light’ for people to touch (private parts). We show illustrations of al different types of people: strangers, teachers, mothers, fathers, etc. and explain that it is NEVER right for ANYONE to touch you on your private parts. We also teach them three steps to follow if someone touches you on your private parts: 1) scream no! 2) run away (if you can) 3) tell an adult you trust. This lesson is accompanied by lots of fun and educational songs and dances as well as physical concentration boosters to keep the learners attentive and active. So to make a long story short this workshop and the concepts they teach are FABULOUS! I can’t wait to incorporate it into the work that I am doing.
I have a few prayer requests for you guys:
Please pray for my baby. Her name is Magaba. She is HIV positive and extremely sick right now. Please pray for her healing. She is the one you see me holding all the time in the pictures. Please just pray that she not experience any more pain.
Also please pray over the grant I applied for. It’s called the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust grant. Please pray that I receive all the money I asked for and that it makes a huge difference in both my and the children’s lives.
Please pray that God continue to bless me with the means to provide a meal for all the children everyday.
And lastly, please pray that God continue to make me more like Jesus. Pray that he strengthen me spiritually especially in the hard times and continue to humble me so that I may serve His people with a pure heart and without judgment or selfishness.
I love you all very much and thank you for reading.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Prisilla's Home Care Orphanage
So, the schools are out for a two week holiday because of Easter so I haven’t been working at the school for the past week and a half. So instead I’ve been working at the orphanage. I arrive at 10am each morning and stay until about 1 or 2. My experience at the orphanage has been so much more pleasant than I expected. I mean, I have a really great time there. Yes, I do get sad at times, but I just focus on the bright innocence in their eyes that only children have and it keeps me smiling and focused on the positive. The fact that I am actually DOING helps too. I mean, I do a little bit of everything there from cleaning, to cooking (yes, cooking), to feeding kids, to changing their diapers, everything. And it really helps the workers there so much. The fact that I see how much we are not only benefiting the children but the workers too makes me feel good inside. Also everyday Pastor Vusi has sent a team of young people to help along with me as well as Natalie (his sister, my personal translator). Even they are benefiting from this. They had no idea how much their community needs their help until they were brought into this situation. So it’s a whole cycle of just growing and learning and love and compassion. It’s a beautiful experience.
And guys, these kids are a TRIP hahaha!! They have such fiery and distinct personalities. I can’t even understand their language but somehow they still find a way to bend me to their own little desires weather it be a candy they find in my purse or smiling their biggest smile at me which is sign language for “please take a photo of me”. As we’ve discussed, kids here LOVE taking pictures.
I don’t want to waste my blog taking about how in need these kids are because you know already and there are too many happy and precious stories to share that will make you smile so I’d rather tell those. But, because someone reading this may be able to help I will include a list of things that they are in dire need of and if you can help in any way it would be greatly appreciated. This list is for the children of Prisilla’s Home Care Orphanage in Cross Roads for children infected or affected by HIV/AIDS:
• wash rags
(They don’t use tissues or wipes, they use wash rags to clean their little noses and their little buts. At the time we use one towel for all the kids’ noses which only spreads sicknesses. It would be great if each child could have his/her own. There are 32 children.)
• food
(Specifically mealie meal, rice, chicken, butternut, potatoes, milk, sugar, bread, eggs, lunch meat)
• uniforms for the 9 school aged children
(All school children even at public schools must wear them. They cost about $40 each)
• educational games, toys, and teaching supplies
• Household supplies
(Toilet paper, dishwashing liquid, disinfectant, HANDSOAP, washing powder, etc)
Now the great news is, if you are reading this blog you probably know me and therefore have probably donated to this cause already. So, I’d like you to know that because of your generosity we were able to give the kids some wonderful Easter gifts this year! I used some of the money that you donated to buy lots of cool colorful educational but fun toys for the kids. Before now there were no toys in the orphanage. The kids played with their shoes or with trash. I was also able to purchase a whole big bundle of toilet paper, 10 kgs of mealie meal for porridge in the mornings, 5kgs of washing powder, and some disinfectant for the house. I tried to take pictures of the kids faces when I showed them the toys but they were so excited that they were jumping all over me and squealing with delight it was hard to focus and take the pictures. Now THAT is a great feeling! Putting smiles like that on kids faces… its indescribable. So from me, from the kids, from the workers, and from the other volunteers THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone that donated and helped make these kids Easter so amazing. Thank you for your generosity and thoughtfulness. We appreciate it. And you are loved from all the way on this side of the world.
This week I plan on buying finger paint and using recycled paper to let the kids make finger paintings. So, also, thank you in advance for the opportunity to do so.
I love you all! Thanks for reading!
And guys, these kids are a TRIP hahaha!! They have such fiery and distinct personalities. I can’t even understand their language but somehow they still find a way to bend me to their own little desires weather it be a candy they find in my purse or smiling their biggest smile at me which is sign language for “please take a photo of me”. As we’ve discussed, kids here LOVE taking pictures.
I don’t want to waste my blog taking about how in need these kids are because you know already and there are too many happy and precious stories to share that will make you smile so I’d rather tell those. But, because someone reading this may be able to help I will include a list of things that they are in dire need of and if you can help in any way it would be greatly appreciated. This list is for the children of Prisilla’s Home Care Orphanage in Cross Roads for children infected or affected by HIV/AIDS:
• wash rags
(They don’t use tissues or wipes, they use wash rags to clean their little noses and their little buts. At the time we use one towel for all the kids’ noses which only spreads sicknesses. It would be great if each child could have his/her own. There are 32 children.)
• food
(Specifically mealie meal, rice, chicken, butternut, potatoes, milk, sugar, bread, eggs, lunch meat)
• uniforms for the 9 school aged children
(All school children even at public schools must wear them. They cost about $40 each)
• educational games, toys, and teaching supplies
• Household supplies
(Toilet paper, dishwashing liquid, disinfectant, HANDSOAP, washing powder, etc)
Now the great news is, if you are reading this blog you probably know me and therefore have probably donated to this cause already. So, I’d like you to know that because of your generosity we were able to give the kids some wonderful Easter gifts this year! I used some of the money that you donated to buy lots of cool colorful educational but fun toys for the kids. Before now there were no toys in the orphanage. The kids played with their shoes or with trash. I was also able to purchase a whole big bundle of toilet paper, 10 kgs of mealie meal for porridge in the mornings, 5kgs of washing powder, and some disinfectant for the house. I tried to take pictures of the kids faces when I showed them the toys but they were so excited that they were jumping all over me and squealing with delight it was hard to focus and take the pictures. Now THAT is a great feeling! Putting smiles like that on kids faces… its indescribable. So from me, from the kids, from the workers, and from the other volunteers THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone that donated and helped make these kids Easter so amazing. Thank you for your generosity and thoughtfulness. We appreciate it. And you are loved from all the way on this side of the world.
This week I plan on buying finger paint and using recycled paper to let the kids make finger paintings. So, also, thank you in advance for the opportunity to do so.
I love you all! Thanks for reading!
Easter
So this weekend was HUGE here. Easter here is like Christmas in the States except it lasts for four days. I was supposed to go to Paarl with Pastor Vusi and his church for the 4 day long service… we must pause here. Yes, I did say 4 day long church service. And Thursday night the service lasts through the night so you don’t sleep. They act out each scene leading up to the crucifixion of Christ since most of the church is illiterate and therefore can’t read the bible. This lasts all night. They then have a short break only to continue for 2 more days… Now, believe it or not, I really wanted to be a part of this experience. I just wanted to see what it was like. I would think it would be a very sacred and spirit filled experience. Also, they follow the theme of Jesus and the fish and loaves so they only eat fish and bread the entire weekend. This just all seemed like something I had to see! But unfortunately, after talking with Pastor Vusi we decided that I wouldn’t go. It was for the best because I’ve even stopped going to his church on Sundays because I can’t understand the sermon since it’s all in Xhosa. I’ve been going back to the English speaking church I went to before when I was here (its amazing by the way). It’s just really frustrating to wake up Sunday morning and get really excited about hearing the word, then go to church and sit and listen to the preacher speak what sounds like gibberish to you as you look around at everyone else really getting into what he’s saying and enjoying it. That doesn’t help my spiritual growth in any way. In fact, it hinders it. So just like we decided about Sundays, we decided that I would spend Easter weekend going to my English church where I can hear and understand the word. It wasn’t as much of an experience as going to Paarl would have been because we just had a regular Sunday church service, no four day long revival. But, it was still really great. For the first time in a really long time I truly thought about Jesus as a man and not an idea and thought about what he went through. I really thought about the sacrifice he made for us and it illed me with such gratitude. I don't know if i've ever thought about Jesus as a man before. I always think of him as a metaphor or a symbol for some reason. So this was really an eye opener for me. And I prayed a prayer of thanks.
For this entire 4 day weekend everywhere I went I could just feel Easter in the air. It was like Christmas time, but hot and really REALLY focused on Jesus. Not like the American commercialized Christmas that I’ve grown to know and love. I basically relaxed all weekend. I prayed and read a lot of the bible. I was able to be a blessing to the kids on Friday, but ill get into that later. Also, we had a braii at the house on Friday night which was really fun. My friend Lerato came over. We had tons of great food and great conversation. The weather was great that night and the stars looked absolutely beautiful above the fire. Mpho slept over Friday night so Saturday morning we woke up and it was such a gorgeous day so we had morning prayer out in the garden under the sun then just sat out there on the bed we have in our garden and talked for hours as we enjoyed one of the last days of the hot sun before winter comes. We then got dinner and watched a movie. She left, and I read my book and went to sleep I am currently reading a book called Commited by Elizabeth Gilbert. She is the author of the infamous Eat, Pray, Love which was SUCH an AMAZING book. One of my absolute favs! I am enjoying Commited, but its not really what I expected. Its very different from Eat, Pray, Love which is great, but a little too different for my liking. This book is a bit intellectual for me. I don’t really do intellectual…
But, all that being said, I think people who are engaged, married, or divorced would love it.
Sunday we went to church, then out to lunch at the waterfront, but I woke up sick that morning so I couldn’t fully enjoy either. I’ve been feeling sick ever since. I thought it was just a cold, but I must have caught something from one of the kids… The kids, they deserve a whole new post of their own…
For this entire 4 day weekend everywhere I went I could just feel Easter in the air. It was like Christmas time, but hot and really REALLY focused on Jesus. Not like the American commercialized Christmas that I’ve grown to know and love. I basically relaxed all weekend. I prayed and read a lot of the bible. I was able to be a blessing to the kids on Friday, but ill get into that later. Also, we had a braii at the house on Friday night which was really fun. My friend Lerato came over. We had tons of great food and great conversation. The weather was great that night and the stars looked absolutely beautiful above the fire. Mpho slept over Friday night so Saturday morning we woke up and it was such a gorgeous day so we had morning prayer out in the garden under the sun then just sat out there on the bed we have in our garden and talked for hours as we enjoyed one of the last days of the hot sun before winter comes. We then got dinner and watched a movie. She left, and I read my book and went to sleep I am currently reading a book called Commited by Elizabeth Gilbert. She is the author of the infamous Eat, Pray, Love which was SUCH an AMAZING book. One of my absolute favs! I am enjoying Commited, but its not really what I expected. Its very different from Eat, Pray, Love which is great, but a little too different for my liking. This book is a bit intellectual for me. I don’t really do intellectual…
But, all that being said, I think people who are engaged, married, or divorced would love it.
Sunday we went to church, then out to lunch at the waterfront, but I woke up sick that morning so I couldn’t fully enjoy either. I’ve been feeling sick ever since. I thought it was just a cold, but I must have caught something from one of the kids… The kids, they deserve a whole new post of their own…
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday!
Last Thursday when I got home from work I said I was going to sit down and blog about the wonderful day I’d had. But, I did not. Therefore I am now going to have to give you the watered down version with bits and pieces that I can’t remember left lingering in the gloriousness that was Thursday. Because today is Monday and Thursday has gone away.
The week started really well last week because Monday was a holiday. It was Human Right Day so of course school was closed and I had the day off. I woke up and had breakfast and tea in the garden. Then Mpho came over. We had a photo shoot then spent the rest of the afternoon picnicking and having girl talk in Kirstenbosh Gardens which is a huge very popular collection of gardens right on the slopes of Table Mountain. We went to Woolworth’s and bought fruit, sandwiches, chips, chocolate and other snacks then took a taxi up to the gardens. It was really beautiful. We just talked and laughed and had a great time as usual. It started to get a little chilly toward the end, but besides that everything was perfect. Afterwards I came home and a meeting with Pastor Vusi. I told him the great news about the grant that I am receiving next month. He was ecstatic! And we also discussed orphanage plans and plans to help make my class be sustainable after I leave. As far as the orphanage goes we came up with a great fundraising plan. We need to raise $4,300 to buy the land for the orphanage and we found this grant offered by the US Embassy. But instead of just applying for the grant to use the money to build the orphanage we are going to submit a proposal to pay for two things. Firstly, we are going to buy a t-shirt printing machine. We went to the place to shop for it the other day and they have a package where you can get the machine, a bulk order of blank t-shirts, and the transfer paper all together. So what we are going to do (to continue with the “Art for Africa” theme) is design t-shirts and print them ourselves and sell them, then use the proceeds for the land fund. I am going to send a bunch home to the states and you all must sell them to everyone you know for $10 each. We are also going to sell them at his church here and at the University of Cape Town. Secondly, we are going to use the other portion of the money to buy materials and pay a local beading lady to make Art for Africa key chains in bulk that we can sell as well. I think it’s a great idea because its benefiting us by helping us raise money to buy our land and its helping the community by creating a job opportunity that will be very lucrative for such a poor but talented woman. Anyway, I’ve been dreaming (literally) about this orphanage a lot lately and I’m very excited about the project!
So Tuesday morning I woke up expecting to go to work but I got a text message from Pastor Vusi telling me not to ride the bus today because its dangerous. There was a taxi strike going on (not like American taxis. They are like little minibuses that carry many people around. They are the main source of transportation here). Because the taxi drivers were on strike he didn’t want me taking the bus because he was afraid that the taxi drivers would stone and burn the busses (which was a very legitimate fear). So, to be safe, I stayed home that day. But then the next day he said it still wasn’t safe, so including my usual 3 day weekends (I don’t work on Fridays) I had 5 days off work last week. I only worked Thursday which brings me to the point of this blog entry.
Thursday I went to school without too high of expectations. It was the kids last day of school before a 2 week long break and I hadn’t worked with them in 5 days. When I arrived Ms. Maseti got all the kids together and sent them out to me for drama class. This was the best class yet! The kids were so excited that I was there. The teachers were all telling me that everyday the kids were asking “Where is Nonceba? When is she coming back to teach us our drama?” Of course they were saying all of this in Xhosa though. So when we got to our windy outdoor classroom covered in broken beer bottles and litter I asked the kids if they felt like doing something calm or doing something really active. Almost all of them enthusiastically responded that they wanted to be active. We started with the warm-up which they really love. We do a shake down then some stretches and physical exercises. Then we so some vocal warm ups then move into the drama work. I let a different student lead the shake down each day and they are finally becoming enthusiastic about it and volunteering instead of shy and hiding behind one another to ensure that I don’t choose them. Anyway, I had them do an exercise that I created based on some things I learned in college mixed with some kiddie improv games and some of my own personal technique. It requires a lot of risk taking and thinking on your toes. I expected it to be very difficult for them, especially because I’m really trying to ease off of the translator and have them understand and speak English confidently. Anyway, as the exercise was going on and I saw them putting their whole hearts into it I had a moment. They were running through an imaginary jungle of fire and I saw the look on one of the girls faces. It was absolutely believable. She was totally lost in her dramatic circumstance. This shy girl who still giggles and runs off in embarrassment every time I say hello to her because she can’t get over the fact that I’m actually from the real United States of America, was totally and completely submerged in the dramatic circumstance. I then looked around and realized that they all were. For the first time since I’ve started they had finally let go of caring what others think or being afraid to be wrong and they were ACTING! I mean they were really acting! And then without me even instructing them to do so they began to add song to the drama. It was beautiful! They were totally letting their guards down. At the moment I was so happy because that’s what its all about. Its about getting lost in the drama and letting go of all the hardships of life. There is so much trouble in their little lives and you can almost see the worry weighing on many of their shoulders. But not while they were acting! They were having fun. They were being kids. They were being artists and it was beautiful. I literally heard myself say out loud “this is amazing”, and goodness it was!
After class however, I saw my little star named Esethu (she is freakin BRILLIANT, amazing actress and she wrote a whole 2 paragraph essay in English the other day with almost all the words spelled perfectly) crying on her way out… well we she was already out because my classroom is outdoors… but on her way away from class. I stopped her to see what was wrong but she was so upset and speaking in Xhosa so I couldn’t understand her. So I had Natalie, my friend and translator, come over and figure out what the problem was. Apparently some of the big boys at the school bully her and threatened to beat her up again today on her way home. Even as small a she is, she walks home alone. So Natalie agreed to walk her home that day and Bandile and I left.
As I was leaving I kept thinking about how thankful I was to be able to take her mind off of the bullies and all the other burdens of her life for just a little while. I was remembering being in high school and having all these problems that at the time felt insurmountable, but then going to drama class and to YEA and escaping them. It always felt so good….
I am sad because now the kids have a 2 week break so no school for me the next two weeks. I was supposed to attend a workshop today and tomorrow but the taxis went on strike AGAIN so I was stuck home again today. But Pastor Vusi says that they are doing the workshop again next month so I’ll go then. Tomorrow, if the taxis don’t decide to strike and Pastor Vusi thinks its safe enough, I am going to go work in the orphanage. I am going to work there this week since there is no school. I am very nervous about it. As I explained in my previous blog, the orphanage makes me shaky and emotional and makes me feel sort of ill. But, I am going to go tomorrow and try to make the best of it. I’m just going to remember that what I am doing is helping a little even if its just chipping little pieces of ice off the iceberg.
In other news, I miss my sisters, especially Tiff. I wish I could be there with/for her right now. But hey, all in God’s timing. Also, everyone please pray for God to provide a means for me to attend the Be the Change course this year. It’s a week long course in Italy on social entrepreneurship and how to start your own non-profit organization. OH YEAH!! Did I already blog about how I am now officially a registered founder of Abantwana Benceba?! It is officially registered as an NPO and if you look at the constitution next to the word founder is Nonceba B. Richardson!!! A couple months ago I made a list of goals I wanted to accomplish within the next ten years. By the end of May I will be able to check FOUR things off: get back to South Africa by March 2010, raise $10,000 for Art for Africa, start my own non-profit organization, and see Italy. Now this is cause for celebration!
Anyway, I love you all dearly. Thank you for reading!
The week started really well last week because Monday was a holiday. It was Human Right Day so of course school was closed and I had the day off. I woke up and had breakfast and tea in the garden. Then Mpho came over. We had a photo shoot then spent the rest of the afternoon picnicking and having girl talk in Kirstenbosh Gardens which is a huge very popular collection of gardens right on the slopes of Table Mountain. We went to Woolworth’s and bought fruit, sandwiches, chips, chocolate and other snacks then took a taxi up to the gardens. It was really beautiful. We just talked and laughed and had a great time as usual. It started to get a little chilly toward the end, but besides that everything was perfect. Afterwards I came home and a meeting with Pastor Vusi. I told him the great news about the grant that I am receiving next month. He was ecstatic! And we also discussed orphanage plans and plans to help make my class be sustainable after I leave. As far as the orphanage goes we came up with a great fundraising plan. We need to raise $4,300 to buy the land for the orphanage and we found this grant offered by the US Embassy. But instead of just applying for the grant to use the money to build the orphanage we are going to submit a proposal to pay for two things. Firstly, we are going to buy a t-shirt printing machine. We went to the place to shop for it the other day and they have a package where you can get the machine, a bulk order of blank t-shirts, and the transfer paper all together. So what we are going to do (to continue with the “Art for Africa” theme) is design t-shirts and print them ourselves and sell them, then use the proceeds for the land fund. I am going to send a bunch home to the states and you all must sell them to everyone you know for $10 each. We are also going to sell them at his church here and at the University of Cape Town. Secondly, we are going to use the other portion of the money to buy materials and pay a local beading lady to make Art for Africa key chains in bulk that we can sell as well. I think it’s a great idea because its benefiting us by helping us raise money to buy our land and its helping the community by creating a job opportunity that will be very lucrative for such a poor but talented woman. Anyway, I’ve been dreaming (literally) about this orphanage a lot lately and I’m very excited about the project!
So Tuesday morning I woke up expecting to go to work but I got a text message from Pastor Vusi telling me not to ride the bus today because its dangerous. There was a taxi strike going on (not like American taxis. They are like little minibuses that carry many people around. They are the main source of transportation here). Because the taxi drivers were on strike he didn’t want me taking the bus because he was afraid that the taxi drivers would stone and burn the busses (which was a very legitimate fear). So, to be safe, I stayed home that day. But then the next day he said it still wasn’t safe, so including my usual 3 day weekends (I don’t work on Fridays) I had 5 days off work last week. I only worked Thursday which brings me to the point of this blog entry.
Thursday I went to school without too high of expectations. It was the kids last day of school before a 2 week long break and I hadn’t worked with them in 5 days. When I arrived Ms. Maseti got all the kids together and sent them out to me for drama class. This was the best class yet! The kids were so excited that I was there. The teachers were all telling me that everyday the kids were asking “Where is Nonceba? When is she coming back to teach us our drama?” Of course they were saying all of this in Xhosa though. So when we got to our windy outdoor classroom covered in broken beer bottles and litter I asked the kids if they felt like doing something calm or doing something really active. Almost all of them enthusiastically responded that they wanted to be active. We started with the warm-up which they really love. We do a shake down then some stretches and physical exercises. Then we so some vocal warm ups then move into the drama work. I let a different student lead the shake down each day and they are finally becoming enthusiastic about it and volunteering instead of shy and hiding behind one another to ensure that I don’t choose them. Anyway, I had them do an exercise that I created based on some things I learned in college mixed with some kiddie improv games and some of my own personal technique. It requires a lot of risk taking and thinking on your toes. I expected it to be very difficult for them, especially because I’m really trying to ease off of the translator and have them understand and speak English confidently. Anyway, as the exercise was going on and I saw them putting their whole hearts into it I had a moment. They were running through an imaginary jungle of fire and I saw the look on one of the girls faces. It was absolutely believable. She was totally lost in her dramatic circumstance. This shy girl who still giggles and runs off in embarrassment every time I say hello to her because she can’t get over the fact that I’m actually from the real United States of America, was totally and completely submerged in the dramatic circumstance. I then looked around and realized that they all were. For the first time since I’ve started they had finally let go of caring what others think or being afraid to be wrong and they were ACTING! I mean they were really acting! And then without me even instructing them to do so they began to add song to the drama. It was beautiful! They were totally letting their guards down. At the moment I was so happy because that’s what its all about. Its about getting lost in the drama and letting go of all the hardships of life. There is so much trouble in their little lives and you can almost see the worry weighing on many of their shoulders. But not while they were acting! They were having fun. They were being kids. They were being artists and it was beautiful. I literally heard myself say out loud “this is amazing”, and goodness it was!
After class however, I saw my little star named Esethu (she is freakin BRILLIANT, amazing actress and she wrote a whole 2 paragraph essay in English the other day with almost all the words spelled perfectly) crying on her way out… well we she was already out because my classroom is outdoors… but on her way away from class. I stopped her to see what was wrong but she was so upset and speaking in Xhosa so I couldn’t understand her. So I had Natalie, my friend and translator, come over and figure out what the problem was. Apparently some of the big boys at the school bully her and threatened to beat her up again today on her way home. Even as small a she is, she walks home alone. So Natalie agreed to walk her home that day and Bandile and I left.
As I was leaving I kept thinking about how thankful I was to be able to take her mind off of the bullies and all the other burdens of her life for just a little while. I was remembering being in high school and having all these problems that at the time felt insurmountable, but then going to drama class and to YEA and escaping them. It always felt so good….
I am sad because now the kids have a 2 week break so no school for me the next two weeks. I was supposed to attend a workshop today and tomorrow but the taxis went on strike AGAIN so I was stuck home again today. But Pastor Vusi says that they are doing the workshop again next month so I’ll go then. Tomorrow, if the taxis don’t decide to strike and Pastor Vusi thinks its safe enough, I am going to go work in the orphanage. I am going to work there this week since there is no school. I am very nervous about it. As I explained in my previous blog, the orphanage makes me shaky and emotional and makes me feel sort of ill. But, I am going to go tomorrow and try to make the best of it. I’m just going to remember that what I am doing is helping a little even if its just chipping little pieces of ice off the iceberg.
In other news, I miss my sisters, especially Tiff. I wish I could be there with/for her right now. But hey, all in God’s timing. Also, everyone please pray for God to provide a means for me to attend the Be the Change course this year. It’s a week long course in Italy on social entrepreneurship and how to start your own non-profit organization. OH YEAH!! Did I already blog about how I am now officially a registered founder of Abantwana Benceba?! It is officially registered as an NPO and if you look at the constitution next to the word founder is Nonceba B. Richardson!!! A couple months ago I made a list of goals I wanted to accomplish within the next ten years. By the end of May I will be able to check FOUR things off: get back to South Africa by March 2010, raise $10,000 for Art for Africa, start my own non-profit organization, and see Italy. Now this is cause for celebration!
Anyway, I love you all dearly. Thank you for reading!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
whats ACTUALLY going on
So, I realize that my previous blogs have been very heavy with the going-ons of my mind and light with details about my South African adventure. I am going to blame that on two things: firstly I have not been journaling which I usually do a lot of so all my inner thought have been coming out in my blog, and secondly because this journey is as much about the inner experience as it about the outer. I can only expect to discover on this journey of self discovery.
So, I don’t even know where to start. As I said before there are SO MANY KIDS! My class is huge. Its so hard to teach a drama class of 54 kids. It’s not like math or something where they are all sitting in desks and you’re writing on a white board. My class is a totally interactive, high energy, kids running around all over the place proclaiming to be jello or ice, or fire, or honey or water or whatever other thing I decide to tell them to embody kind of environment. And it’s hard to keep that kind of environment under control when there are so many kids and only one me. I am thankful that Bandile and Natalie have been coming to help me each day but this kind of class is totally foreign to them so the best they can do is sit back and watch me work and to function as translators when need be.
The other big obstacle is space. The first day I used a classroom which was fine that day because we were just introducing ourselves so we were seated most of the time. But since then I have been holding my class outside in a space behind the school. This is cumbersome because the hot African sun is beating down on them and shining in their eyes as I make them rum back and forth across the space pretending to be animals but more than that my voice gets blown away with the wind a lot of the time. I have to scream so loudly for all the kids to be able to hear me. The seasons are changing so the wind in Cape Town is crazy right now. So my little voice regularly gets carried away with it as my army of almost 60 seventh graders wait eagerly to hear instructions on what to do next. I’m telling you, this is work! I’d give almost anything to have a classroom like we had at my high school and college to hold my class in... I’d almost give as much as I would for another teacher to take half the class or to be able to hold two separate sessions with 30 kids each.
All that being said and all things considered the class is going quite well. This past week I really just focused on getting them out of their shells because they are all so shy! It’s a cultural thing. These children definitely are not big bold loud American drama students ready to jump into the spotlight at any moment. They are shy and have to be pushed to stand outside of the crowd. So this week we did a lot of group games and fun physical activities to get them loose and having fun as well as to get them comfortable with each other and with me. They really had a great time! They are still pretty intimidated by me and quite embarrassed to speak English in front of their peers but by Tuesday and Wednesday they were really opening up and answering questions and volunteering to be a part of activities- even games like charades that requires one person to stand up and perform in front of the whole group! I was so proud of them. They were so eager and excited. They had come miles away from where they began on Monday. On Monday I made them each stand up and say “Hello, my name is ________, Today I feel _________, My greatest love is __________, and my greatest fear is__________.” You would have thought I asked them to jump off Table Mountain or something! They were terrified! But as the week went on the fear began to melt away and they really began to open up.
On Thursday I broke them up into 7 groups. I told each group to choose one topic that they wanted to make their skit on. I feel like it is way too early for me to let them start creating skits, but they are eager to do so and I’m trying to remember that this is not about me turning them into brilliant actors, its about allowing them to share their stories and to build their self confidence. So, I think from now on I am going to structure the class where we learn technique for the first half of the class and for the second half we work on our skits. So, after breaking them up into groups I went to each group and told them to think about this: if we could change one thing in the world what would it be. I told them to think about what goes on in their lives and what they’d like to change about it. I gave them a personal example. I said that if I had to do a skit about one thing I’d like to change, mine would be about love. I would make a skit about how love can cross all borders and boundaries. I gave them a few minutes to discuss among themselves and each group came up with a topic. The topics they came up with were: sexual abuse, gangsterism, drugs, domestic abuse, child abuse, prostitution and neglect… deep huh? After going around to each group and discussing their topics I was very shocked at how open they were, how willing to discuss these very private and deep issues with me, an outsider. But then I realized that to them these topics are not private. They are in their faces everyday and have become a regular part of everyday life. So, I pushed back my initial instinct to get teary and emotional and decided to take action which is what I’m here to do. That’s when I decided to move along with the skits even thought they haven’t gotten much technical training in acting yet. They have so much to say, so for one I am going to let them say it. And who knows? Maybe these skits will help change the world, and if not at least it may help change their community or help change someone’s mind.
I haven’t been back to the orphanages this week because my schedule at the school keeps changing and I’m just getting used to using the bus system. But, Monday is a public holiday so there is no school so I am going to go the orphanages and work for a few hours. Also, after next week the kids are out of school for 2 weeks for their Easter break so during those 2 weeks I’ll be at the orphanages instead of at the schools. To be quite honest, I feel wary of working at the orphanages. It’s not the same as working at the schools. This is going to sound awful, but honestly its like at the school I leave feeling good because I am doing something about the things going on with these kids. I am equipping them with vital tools that they can use to further themselves in life and help them to become more successful. But, when I think about the orphanages I just get so overwhelmed with emotion and feel wary of going because it’s like these kids have absolutely no stimulation. The resources just aren’t available. They sit around all day long waiting for their turn to be fed or changed. There are no nursery rhymes or toys or activity. Its just sickness everywhere… I feel like there isn’t really much I can do about it- except that there is. I have a vision. Pastor Vusi and I are going to open up our own orphanage. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like THAT is doing something progressive for these kids, more than just feeding them or changing their diaper (which don’t get me wrong is absolutely important which is why I’ve volunteered to do it). But, my vision for our orphanage is less like a hospice and more like a vibrant learning center where HIV positive orphans don’t wait to die, but actively live and learn. I’d like for there to be a day care center downstairs with colors and toys and all sorts of stimulating activities for the little ones. There will be a receptionist at the front with all the kids’ medical files and birth certificates which are important because in this country if you have those documents and are HIV positive you get a grant every month. So all the children will receive their grant money and I will be able to afford to buy them good healthy food to help them live longer healthier lives. Also, ARVs are free in this country. So, there will be a little nurse’s office that distributes medication to each child before they head off to school. My main goal for this orphanage is for the focus to be on living instead of dying. After talking with Pastor Vusi about my vision, he is totally on board with it. We have already identified the land we want to buy to build it on and are in the process of securing funds. Remember when I said coming to volunteer in Africa after spending $30,000 on a college degree was the craziest thing I’ve ever done? Well, I take that back. Embarking on a mission such as building an orphanage in Africa when I have no experience or the slightest bit of understanding on where to even start is the craziest thing I’ve ever done. But the vision has not left me since I first saw it while at Prisilla’s orphanage and I know better than to ignore dreams the universe is so blatantly laying before me. So, I’m still praying about it and trying to see how we can possibly make this happen, but I believe in it! And I’m very excited to see it come to pass!
Speaking of my orphanage, here in South Africa names are very important. You are supposed to live up to your name and as you go through life you are given different names for different reasons such as when you get married etc. Anyways, my friend Natalie was explaining all of this to me the other day because I have been given a name here. She had noticed that I wasn’t really using the name that they had given me so she was explaining to me the significance of being given a name. She said it is the ultimate gesture of welcome and something that I should be very proud of. The name that Natalie and the whole Funda family (Pastor Vusi’s family) gave me is Nonceba. It is a Xhosa name which means “grace” or “good deeds” so they found the name fitting for me. It is a little hard to pronounce because the “c” is pronounced by putting your tongue at the back of your upper front teeth and making a sucking sound… yeah, its hard to describe, but anyways… this all has to do with the orphanage because the name of the orphanage is going to be “Abantwana Benceba” which broken down is “Children of Nonceba” or “Children of Grace”. They are naming the orphanage after me It is such a sweet and humbling gesture and I love the double meaning in the name.
Besides that things are good. I have a four day weekend this weekend which is cool. Mpho and I are going to Kirstenbosh gardens on Monday which is exciting. We wanna go before the weather gets cold. These gardens are beautiful! I am very excited.
Things at the house are going well. I have really been bonding well with my housemates particularly Levante and John. AND….. a girl moved in today! She’ll only be here for 2 weeks but it’s still very exciting. I really get along well with Hazel (the owner) too so I really like my living situation. I really don’t want to move. I should because Pastor Vusi has found a family that is willing to let me stay with them for only one third of what I pay to live here. But, the family lives in the township so its not nearly as safe as where I live now so I wouldn’t be able to walk places alone and stuff. Also I will loose the luxury of living with people that speak English as well as the comfort of knowing I’m not being targeted. I live in an area with lots of travelers so its not like I’m being singled out. But living in the township, that would be a constant worry and a constant fear. I don’t want to have to live in fear. But, I also have to be able to pay my rent so we’ll what happens. Hey, I do have $10,000 coming my way so I shouldn’t even be worried about rent I budgeted for living and travel expenses in the budget for the proposal!
Okay, I’m tired now so I am going to rest. Tomorrow is Sunday so I gotta get up for church and all. Love you all! Thanks for reading! xo
So, I don’t even know where to start. As I said before there are SO MANY KIDS! My class is huge. Its so hard to teach a drama class of 54 kids. It’s not like math or something where they are all sitting in desks and you’re writing on a white board. My class is a totally interactive, high energy, kids running around all over the place proclaiming to be jello or ice, or fire, or honey or water or whatever other thing I decide to tell them to embody kind of environment. And it’s hard to keep that kind of environment under control when there are so many kids and only one me. I am thankful that Bandile and Natalie have been coming to help me each day but this kind of class is totally foreign to them so the best they can do is sit back and watch me work and to function as translators when need be.
The other big obstacle is space. The first day I used a classroom which was fine that day because we were just introducing ourselves so we were seated most of the time. But since then I have been holding my class outside in a space behind the school. This is cumbersome because the hot African sun is beating down on them and shining in their eyes as I make them rum back and forth across the space pretending to be animals but more than that my voice gets blown away with the wind a lot of the time. I have to scream so loudly for all the kids to be able to hear me. The seasons are changing so the wind in Cape Town is crazy right now. So my little voice regularly gets carried away with it as my army of almost 60 seventh graders wait eagerly to hear instructions on what to do next. I’m telling you, this is work! I’d give almost anything to have a classroom like we had at my high school and college to hold my class in... I’d almost give as much as I would for another teacher to take half the class or to be able to hold two separate sessions with 30 kids each.
All that being said and all things considered the class is going quite well. This past week I really just focused on getting them out of their shells because they are all so shy! It’s a cultural thing. These children definitely are not big bold loud American drama students ready to jump into the spotlight at any moment. They are shy and have to be pushed to stand outside of the crowd. So this week we did a lot of group games and fun physical activities to get them loose and having fun as well as to get them comfortable with each other and with me. They really had a great time! They are still pretty intimidated by me and quite embarrassed to speak English in front of their peers but by Tuesday and Wednesday they were really opening up and answering questions and volunteering to be a part of activities- even games like charades that requires one person to stand up and perform in front of the whole group! I was so proud of them. They were so eager and excited. They had come miles away from where they began on Monday. On Monday I made them each stand up and say “Hello, my name is ________, Today I feel _________, My greatest love is __________, and my greatest fear is__________.” You would have thought I asked them to jump off Table Mountain or something! They were terrified! But as the week went on the fear began to melt away and they really began to open up.
On Thursday I broke them up into 7 groups. I told each group to choose one topic that they wanted to make their skit on. I feel like it is way too early for me to let them start creating skits, but they are eager to do so and I’m trying to remember that this is not about me turning them into brilliant actors, its about allowing them to share their stories and to build their self confidence. So, I think from now on I am going to structure the class where we learn technique for the first half of the class and for the second half we work on our skits. So, after breaking them up into groups I went to each group and told them to think about this: if we could change one thing in the world what would it be. I told them to think about what goes on in their lives and what they’d like to change about it. I gave them a personal example. I said that if I had to do a skit about one thing I’d like to change, mine would be about love. I would make a skit about how love can cross all borders and boundaries. I gave them a few minutes to discuss among themselves and each group came up with a topic. The topics they came up with were: sexual abuse, gangsterism, drugs, domestic abuse, child abuse, prostitution and neglect… deep huh? After going around to each group and discussing their topics I was very shocked at how open they were, how willing to discuss these very private and deep issues with me, an outsider. But then I realized that to them these topics are not private. They are in their faces everyday and have become a regular part of everyday life. So, I pushed back my initial instinct to get teary and emotional and decided to take action which is what I’m here to do. That’s when I decided to move along with the skits even thought they haven’t gotten much technical training in acting yet. They have so much to say, so for one I am going to let them say it. And who knows? Maybe these skits will help change the world, and if not at least it may help change their community or help change someone’s mind.
I haven’t been back to the orphanages this week because my schedule at the school keeps changing and I’m just getting used to using the bus system. But, Monday is a public holiday so there is no school so I am going to go the orphanages and work for a few hours. Also, after next week the kids are out of school for 2 weeks for their Easter break so during those 2 weeks I’ll be at the orphanages instead of at the schools. To be quite honest, I feel wary of working at the orphanages. It’s not the same as working at the schools. This is going to sound awful, but honestly its like at the school I leave feeling good because I am doing something about the things going on with these kids. I am equipping them with vital tools that they can use to further themselves in life and help them to become more successful. But, when I think about the orphanages I just get so overwhelmed with emotion and feel wary of going because it’s like these kids have absolutely no stimulation. The resources just aren’t available. They sit around all day long waiting for their turn to be fed or changed. There are no nursery rhymes or toys or activity. Its just sickness everywhere… I feel like there isn’t really much I can do about it- except that there is. I have a vision. Pastor Vusi and I are going to open up our own orphanage. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like THAT is doing something progressive for these kids, more than just feeding them or changing their diaper (which don’t get me wrong is absolutely important which is why I’ve volunteered to do it). But, my vision for our orphanage is less like a hospice and more like a vibrant learning center where HIV positive orphans don’t wait to die, but actively live and learn. I’d like for there to be a day care center downstairs with colors and toys and all sorts of stimulating activities for the little ones. There will be a receptionist at the front with all the kids’ medical files and birth certificates which are important because in this country if you have those documents and are HIV positive you get a grant every month. So all the children will receive their grant money and I will be able to afford to buy them good healthy food to help them live longer healthier lives. Also, ARVs are free in this country. So, there will be a little nurse’s office that distributes medication to each child before they head off to school. My main goal for this orphanage is for the focus to be on living instead of dying. After talking with Pastor Vusi about my vision, he is totally on board with it. We have already identified the land we want to buy to build it on and are in the process of securing funds. Remember when I said coming to volunteer in Africa after spending $30,000 on a college degree was the craziest thing I’ve ever done? Well, I take that back. Embarking on a mission such as building an orphanage in Africa when I have no experience or the slightest bit of understanding on where to even start is the craziest thing I’ve ever done. But the vision has not left me since I first saw it while at Prisilla’s orphanage and I know better than to ignore dreams the universe is so blatantly laying before me. So, I’m still praying about it and trying to see how we can possibly make this happen, but I believe in it! And I’m very excited to see it come to pass!
Speaking of my orphanage, here in South Africa names are very important. You are supposed to live up to your name and as you go through life you are given different names for different reasons such as when you get married etc. Anyways, my friend Natalie was explaining all of this to me the other day because I have been given a name here. She had noticed that I wasn’t really using the name that they had given me so she was explaining to me the significance of being given a name. She said it is the ultimate gesture of welcome and something that I should be very proud of. The name that Natalie and the whole Funda family (Pastor Vusi’s family) gave me is Nonceba. It is a Xhosa name which means “grace” or “good deeds” so they found the name fitting for me. It is a little hard to pronounce because the “c” is pronounced by putting your tongue at the back of your upper front teeth and making a sucking sound… yeah, its hard to describe, but anyways… this all has to do with the orphanage because the name of the orphanage is going to be “Abantwana Benceba” which broken down is “Children of Nonceba” or “Children of Grace”. They are naming the orphanage after me It is such a sweet and humbling gesture and I love the double meaning in the name.
Besides that things are good. I have a four day weekend this weekend which is cool. Mpho and I are going to Kirstenbosh gardens on Monday which is exciting. We wanna go before the weather gets cold. These gardens are beautiful! I am very excited.
Things at the house are going well. I have really been bonding well with my housemates particularly Levante and John. AND….. a girl moved in today! She’ll only be here for 2 weeks but it’s still very exciting. I really get along well with Hazel (the owner) too so I really like my living situation. I really don’t want to move. I should because Pastor Vusi has found a family that is willing to let me stay with them for only one third of what I pay to live here. But, the family lives in the township so its not nearly as safe as where I live now so I wouldn’t be able to walk places alone and stuff. Also I will loose the luxury of living with people that speak English as well as the comfort of knowing I’m not being targeted. I live in an area with lots of travelers so its not like I’m being singled out. But living in the township, that would be a constant worry and a constant fear. I don’t want to have to live in fear. But, I also have to be able to pay my rent so we’ll what happens. Hey, I do have $10,000 coming my way so I shouldn’t even be worried about rent I budgeted for living and travel expenses in the budget for the proposal!
Okay, I’m tired now so I am going to rest. Tomorrow is Sunday so I gotta get up for church and all. Love you all! Thanks for reading! xo
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all a matter of things shall be well"
3/20/2010
It is amazing to me how there are billions of people in this world but somehow God has time and cares enough to recognize me, and not only recognize me, but work in my favor. Last week I had a conversation with Pastor Vusi and a visiting American pastor from Florida that resulted in me posting a blog about God answering prayers, or moreover God not answering prayers. The topic had been on my mind a lot in the past weeks, but I’d been too ashamed and afraid to open my mouth and speak about it. But, when I finally did release my questions about God and prayer out into the universe I got more clear and immediate answers than I ever have from any prayer I’ve ever prayed. It’s like the energy I put into my thoughts about it and my conversation about it and my blog about it was offered up to the Universe and in return was given back to me in the form of answers. Or simply put, God heard my cry and He responded.
My answer came in many forms- from emails of scriptural explanations and insight from my Aunt/Godmother/spiritual mentor/great friend Angela, to very vivid dreams, to its actual manifestation in my life over the past few days. I have come to a solid and unmovable understanding that God always, ALWAYS answers prayers… the answer just may not be what we were hoping for. God is not a wishing well. We cannot go to him and ask for whatever we’d like and expect for it to magically appear no questions asked. And actually the fact that this is so is a blessing because judging by our history if humans always got exactly what they asked for this world would be an ugly place. Instead we are encouraged to offer up our prayers and desires to God and yes, expect an answer, but that answer will sometimes be no. I now understand that God answers our prayers according to what is best for us and according to his divine plan. Also the spirit whispered a little phrase to me in my sleep the other night: “divine timing”, and to make things more clear He gave me a living breathing example in my own life:
Yesterday I received an email from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust that began by saying “Dear Ms. Richardson, We are interested in you and your proposal and would be happy to submit your grant request for consideration by the Board of Trustees at the May 15th meeting”. I was reading this email at an internet café, but luckily I was in an isolated cubicle where no one could see my expression or the tears running down m my face. You see I applied for a $10,000 grant from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust. This is the first and only grant I have ever applied for so I have absolutely no experience in grant writing. I spent weeks and weeks researching trying to find grants that support the kind of work I am doing but it was very difficult because of two main things: I am an individual not an organization of any kind, and this is an international project. People are wary of giving large amounts of money to 23 year old bartending actresses with big dreams especially when the money will be used in a different country, and understandably so! But when my friend Natalie emailed me information on the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust and I read the description of the type of people they support I thought “this is mine!” Literally, as soon as I read it I was so sure that this belonged to me. I worked very hard and came up with a Letter of Intent that I felt really good about, mailed it off, and waited. According to the website we were to be notified either way by February. I heard nothing until yesterday March 19th when I got an email telling me that I am that much closer to receiving the grant. I am writing about this to share the goo news, but more importantly to share how that little whisper “divine timing” was the best answer God could have given me. You see, in my previous blog I talk about how I’ve been praying for God to eradicate poverty here in South Africa as well as throughout the world. Although I did not wake up yesterday to a poverty free world, I did wake up to a little reminder that all things that are of God happen according to his divine timing, not ours, or even the information on the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust website.
A few months ago I fasted and prayed for 3 days in hopes of raising $10,000 at a fundraiser I was having that Friday evening. That night I did not raise that $10,000 I was praying for nor did I raise it at any other fundraiser I had. I left the country with exactly $2,000 and a whole lotta faith. Now, in God’s divine timing I receive an email about a grant that I applied for from which I requested none other than… $10,000. I believe with my entire being that I am going to receive this grant; not because I deserve it or because my Letter of Intent was really good, but because it is a part of God’s divine plan and its all coming together in His divine timing. God would not call me to come all the way here and then not provide for me and make a way for me to do His work. He just wouldn’t do that, and I’ve always known that which is why even though I didn’t have enough money to support myself when I left I came anyway, because I knew He would make a way. I just didn’t know what that way was.
Please pray for me everyone. All the papers are due to the Trust on April 12th. I have to send in a revised letter of intent, 3 support letters from people who know me well and support my project and my integrity, and a short application. All shall be well, and all shall be well and all a matter of things shall be well…
It is amazing to me how there are billions of people in this world but somehow God has time and cares enough to recognize me, and not only recognize me, but work in my favor. Last week I had a conversation with Pastor Vusi and a visiting American pastor from Florida that resulted in me posting a blog about God answering prayers, or moreover God not answering prayers. The topic had been on my mind a lot in the past weeks, but I’d been too ashamed and afraid to open my mouth and speak about it. But, when I finally did release my questions about God and prayer out into the universe I got more clear and immediate answers than I ever have from any prayer I’ve ever prayed. It’s like the energy I put into my thoughts about it and my conversation about it and my blog about it was offered up to the Universe and in return was given back to me in the form of answers. Or simply put, God heard my cry and He responded.
My answer came in many forms- from emails of scriptural explanations and insight from my Aunt/Godmother/spiritual mentor/great friend Angela, to very vivid dreams, to its actual manifestation in my life over the past few days. I have come to a solid and unmovable understanding that God always, ALWAYS answers prayers… the answer just may not be what we were hoping for. God is not a wishing well. We cannot go to him and ask for whatever we’d like and expect for it to magically appear no questions asked. And actually the fact that this is so is a blessing because judging by our history if humans always got exactly what they asked for this world would be an ugly place. Instead we are encouraged to offer up our prayers and desires to God and yes, expect an answer, but that answer will sometimes be no. I now understand that God answers our prayers according to what is best for us and according to his divine plan. Also the spirit whispered a little phrase to me in my sleep the other night: “divine timing”, and to make things more clear He gave me a living breathing example in my own life:
Yesterday I received an email from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust that began by saying “Dear Ms. Richardson, We are interested in you and your proposal and would be happy to submit your grant request for consideration by the Board of Trustees at the May 15th meeting”. I was reading this email at an internet café, but luckily I was in an isolated cubicle where no one could see my expression or the tears running down m my face. You see I applied for a $10,000 grant from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust. This is the first and only grant I have ever applied for so I have absolutely no experience in grant writing. I spent weeks and weeks researching trying to find grants that support the kind of work I am doing but it was very difficult because of two main things: I am an individual not an organization of any kind, and this is an international project. People are wary of giving large amounts of money to 23 year old bartending actresses with big dreams especially when the money will be used in a different country, and understandably so! But when my friend Natalie emailed me information on the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust and I read the description of the type of people they support I thought “this is mine!” Literally, as soon as I read it I was so sure that this belonged to me. I worked very hard and came up with a Letter of Intent that I felt really good about, mailed it off, and waited. According to the website we were to be notified either way by February. I heard nothing until yesterday March 19th when I got an email telling me that I am that much closer to receiving the grant. I am writing about this to share the goo news, but more importantly to share how that little whisper “divine timing” was the best answer God could have given me. You see, in my previous blog I talk about how I’ve been praying for God to eradicate poverty here in South Africa as well as throughout the world. Although I did not wake up yesterday to a poverty free world, I did wake up to a little reminder that all things that are of God happen according to his divine timing, not ours, or even the information on the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust website.
A few months ago I fasted and prayed for 3 days in hopes of raising $10,000 at a fundraiser I was having that Friday evening. That night I did not raise that $10,000 I was praying for nor did I raise it at any other fundraiser I had. I left the country with exactly $2,000 and a whole lotta faith. Now, in God’s divine timing I receive an email about a grant that I applied for from which I requested none other than… $10,000. I believe with my entire being that I am going to receive this grant; not because I deserve it or because my Letter of Intent was really good, but because it is a part of God’s divine plan and its all coming together in His divine timing. God would not call me to come all the way here and then not provide for me and make a way for me to do His work. He just wouldn’t do that, and I’ve always known that which is why even though I didn’t have enough money to support myself when I left I came anyway, because I knew He would make a way. I just didn’t know what that way was.
Please pray for me everyone. All the papers are due to the Trust on April 12th. I have to send in a revised letter of intent, 3 support letters from people who know me well and support my project and my integrity, and a short application. All shall be well, and all shall be well and all a matter of things shall be well…
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
3/15/10
There is so much going on that writing about it all seems very intimidating, but I’ve got to document this all some time. First of all, hello loved ones. I’ve learned after traveling abroad so many times that there is a pattern that happens within your loved ones in your absence. At first, everyone is so desperate to contact you and nervous about your well being. But after about three weeks everyone seems to calm down and trust that you are doing just fine. Then after a few more weeks pass everyone just wants to know how things are going and what you are doing because they are curious. But once you pass the two month mark you being abroad is just part of life and everyone accepts it and the nervous emails and emails in general cease. Luckily, I have skated through the first few stages this time around and it seems as if everyone is comfortable with me being here and not freaking out which is great. Because really, I am absolutely fine. In fact, I feel more alive and useful and active here than I ever do at home. It’s like this is my real life and I just take extended vacations to the States on a regular basis.
So, I have officially been here for one week as of yesterday. I can’t believe that. It feels like I’ve been here for much longer. I’m living in a house in Observatory which is very close to Mowbray (the suburb I lived in during 2008). I’m very familiar with area so I feel very comfortable. I’m living in a guest house owned by a woman named Hazel. I only ended up staying at that other place for one night before moving into my room here. The house can hold up to about 12 people but there are only 6 of us at the time. Hazel lives in a little house behind the guest house, so not counting her I am the only female. There are all guys in the house plus me…. That’s definitely a new experience. I’m getting along well with all the guys. There is a Turkish guy named Levante who is really nice. He’s lived here the longest- about 3 or 4 months. He’s actually illegal right now, but works under the table at a bar down the road. There’s also a guy named Mark who’s a doctor from Sweden and a guy named John who is from some country in Central Africa that he care not name because he is very deep and feels that the phrase “I am from this country” or “I am from that country” is irrelevant because we are all “from the world”. Naming a specific country when asked where you are from, according to him, is very stifling. I like John a lot. He’s very long winded when he speaks which of course to me, coming from a country where actual human contact and intimate conversation and connection is very rare can be a bit frustrating, but I realize that it’s because of a flaw in me and has nothing to do with him. John lived in the wild for two years before coming to this house. He lives in a tent in the back of our house. He has very little material belongings and believes in spending life searching and growing spiritually and intellectually. He keeps life as simple as possible and really values time to sit and think about humanity and to meditate… his father passed away this weekend which is probably why he’s on my mind so much and I am taking up this much of my blog talking about him. But ever since his father passed whenever I see John he goes into a deep conversation that lasts at least half an hour or so, even if I just came out of my room to pee or something. So, before I started blogging I was in the kitchen listening to him talk and all I could think about was how he kept going on and on. It made me sad because its like because of my life style at home I am incapable of sitting for an hour and listening to a hurting grieving man talk some of his pain away without itching to get up and go… and go… and go do nothing. That’s the thing, I’m not even rushing to do anything. I just haven’t exercised my humanity muscle in so long. Usually during conversation (when it actually does happen at home) someone always receives a text or the TV is on in the background or just anything to interrupt the pure human connection. That’s not the way it is in my house or my life right now for that matter. My life is all about pure uninterrupted human to human connection and its uncomfortable. Even while riding home today, my friend Natalie talked for the entire 30 minute ride non-stop lol. I’m thinking “Oh my gosh! She’s never going to stop”, but then I realized its because in their culture you actually care about how people are doing and how they are feeling. So when I ask her how she’s doing today it takes an entire 30 minute taxi ride to tell me, and when she asks me she expects the same in return. So, for the past few days there have been many situations where I feel like a robot thrown into a sea of living people and I’m just trying to get my humanity back. I’m trying to be able to sit in the kitchen for an hour and listen to a pained man grieve over his dead father without my mind wandering off and trying to find the least awkward time for me to leap for the door. I know that makes me out to be insensitive and selfish, but you know, that probably means that I am, which is exactly why I’m working on it. I hate admitting that it exists almost as much as I hate the fact that it exists. But, thank God, we have the ability to change the things that we don’t like about ourselves and that’s exactly what I’m working on doing.
Coming to South Africa is always a very spiritual experience for me. I always feel closer to God here than I ever do at home and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am isolated here. I mean, yes I’m around people all the time, but I don’t have my safety blanket of family and best friends like I do at home. I have Mpho, but even when I am with her she is always challenging me spiritually (I mean ‘challenging’ in a good way) and causing me to look deeper inside myself. The work that I am doing here also causes me to grow spiritually because it causes me to ask a lot of questions and face a lot of realities in the world such as no matter how hard I pray for the children in the orphanage to have clean water and proper food to eat everyday, they may not get it. No matter how hard I pray and ask our great big all encompassing God to please heal this country and not let another child go hungry or die from a preventable disease He just may not answer and that’s hard for me to accept. Being in the township among such deep poverty every single day makes me question God. Not His existence, but the way He works. Like, my entire childhood and into my adult life I’ve heard that phrase over and over “God answers prayers”. I’ve even said it myself. But, what about when He doesn’t? What about when good people live good Godly lives and pray for their entire lifetimes for God to provide for them and get them out of these slums, but they die hungry and sick in their shacks? What about them? What about all the prayers our generation and the generation before and before and before have prayed over these children dying motherless and fatherless from AIDS because they have no money to pay for transportation to the hospitals to get medicine? What do you do when God doesn’t answer prayers? What do you say to children when you try to teach them about Jesus but they’ve seen their parents pray to a Jesus that never showed up? Family, I know you are reading this and cringing and I’m very sorry, but I’m just being honest. What do you do then? Well, I’ve come to an understanding that that’s just another one of those things that I cant agree with the bible 100% on. If you ask, even if you are a poor mother asking God for money to feed your children, you will not always receive. God answers prayers sometimes. Impoverished people are reaping the consequences of a lot of man made evil and for some reason God has chosen to allow them to reap it. Poverty, hunger, disease, those things are not of God. I don’t know why He will not stop it and I don’t know why I continue to pray for it to be eradicated when I know if a prayer was all it took poverty would have been gone centuries ago, but for some reason I keep praying, I keep believing. And that’s why I say this experience has made me grow spiritually- because even in all that I do not understand about God and amidst all the unanswered questions and prayers I still know that He is real. I still feel something deep inside me that won’t let me loose the faith.
I visited both of the schools for the first time today. This is going to be so much hard work. What I’m most nervous about is the fact that I have no curriculum. I have to create this whole program on my own… well not really on my own because I plan to just allow the spirit to guide me and remember that I am only a vessel. I must remember that. I can’t get caught up in trying to do God’s work; I must let him work through me. That’s the only way that this will be a success. I was under the impression that I was only going to be working at one school, a primary school. But Pastor Vusi has also arranged for me to work at Mandela High School. So, from Monday to Thursday every week I will be teaching a ‘Life Skills Through Theatre’ course at two different schools in the township of Crossroads. The primary school program will be a lot like YEA workshop. The high school program will be geared toward putting together a big performance at the end of their term focused on what it’s like to be an HIV positive teen in a high school in South Africa today. We have chosen that topic because lots of the students that will be involved in the piece are positive and very sick which poses many challenges in school.
I didn’t know that so many children would be interested in the programs, but we got an overwhelming response. I am not sure how I am going to teach a drama class of 60 kids alone. Luckily I have two people coming tomorrow to help me translate and keep discipline. I’m hoping they continue to come help me everyday… All the school teachers were asking who is paying me for doing this and how much I am getting paid. Everyone is always so shocked when I tell them that I’m doing this for free. But it’s just something that I have to do. It’s not about money. It’s about making a difference in a child’s life. I feel so strongly that I have to give back, and until I can find someone to pay me to do it I’ll just do it for free. If I go through like sacrificing brightening children’s futures for pay checks I know that I will never be happy (family, I’m sorry I know that you are cringing again). But I really believe that one day this is all going to come back to me and I will actually have a paid career doing this and it will all be worth it. Someone once said to me, “Do the thing you love to do then find a way to get paid for it”. That’s exactly what I’m doing now and in the meantime I am being so blessed. It’s so funny how whenever you go volunteer to help people you end up being helped just as much. I am gaining from this country and these children just as much if not more than they are gaining from me. I am really living and growing and interacting and it feels amazing! That is all such a huge blessing. If you asked me where I’d be 10 years from now 10 years ago I never would have thought this would be my life, but this is my life, and I’d have it no other way.
There is so much going on that writing about it all seems very intimidating, but I’ve got to document this all some time. First of all, hello loved ones. I’ve learned after traveling abroad so many times that there is a pattern that happens within your loved ones in your absence. At first, everyone is so desperate to contact you and nervous about your well being. But after about three weeks everyone seems to calm down and trust that you are doing just fine. Then after a few more weeks pass everyone just wants to know how things are going and what you are doing because they are curious. But once you pass the two month mark you being abroad is just part of life and everyone accepts it and the nervous emails and emails in general cease. Luckily, I have skated through the first few stages this time around and it seems as if everyone is comfortable with me being here and not freaking out which is great. Because really, I am absolutely fine. In fact, I feel more alive and useful and active here than I ever do at home. It’s like this is my real life and I just take extended vacations to the States on a regular basis.
So, I have officially been here for one week as of yesterday. I can’t believe that. It feels like I’ve been here for much longer. I’m living in a house in Observatory which is very close to Mowbray (the suburb I lived in during 2008). I’m very familiar with area so I feel very comfortable. I’m living in a guest house owned by a woman named Hazel. I only ended up staying at that other place for one night before moving into my room here. The house can hold up to about 12 people but there are only 6 of us at the time. Hazel lives in a little house behind the guest house, so not counting her I am the only female. There are all guys in the house plus me…. That’s definitely a new experience. I’m getting along well with all the guys. There is a Turkish guy named Levante who is really nice. He’s lived here the longest- about 3 or 4 months. He’s actually illegal right now, but works under the table at a bar down the road. There’s also a guy named Mark who’s a doctor from Sweden and a guy named John who is from some country in Central Africa that he care not name because he is very deep and feels that the phrase “I am from this country” or “I am from that country” is irrelevant because we are all “from the world”. Naming a specific country when asked where you are from, according to him, is very stifling. I like John a lot. He’s very long winded when he speaks which of course to me, coming from a country where actual human contact and intimate conversation and connection is very rare can be a bit frustrating, but I realize that it’s because of a flaw in me and has nothing to do with him. John lived in the wild for two years before coming to this house. He lives in a tent in the back of our house. He has very little material belongings and believes in spending life searching and growing spiritually and intellectually. He keeps life as simple as possible and really values time to sit and think about humanity and to meditate… his father passed away this weekend which is probably why he’s on my mind so much and I am taking up this much of my blog talking about him. But ever since his father passed whenever I see John he goes into a deep conversation that lasts at least half an hour or so, even if I just came out of my room to pee or something. So, before I started blogging I was in the kitchen listening to him talk and all I could think about was how he kept going on and on. It made me sad because its like because of my life style at home I am incapable of sitting for an hour and listening to a hurting grieving man talk some of his pain away without itching to get up and go… and go… and go do nothing. That’s the thing, I’m not even rushing to do anything. I just haven’t exercised my humanity muscle in so long. Usually during conversation (when it actually does happen at home) someone always receives a text or the TV is on in the background or just anything to interrupt the pure human connection. That’s not the way it is in my house or my life right now for that matter. My life is all about pure uninterrupted human to human connection and its uncomfortable. Even while riding home today, my friend Natalie talked for the entire 30 minute ride non-stop lol. I’m thinking “Oh my gosh! She’s never going to stop”, but then I realized its because in their culture you actually care about how people are doing and how they are feeling. So when I ask her how she’s doing today it takes an entire 30 minute taxi ride to tell me, and when she asks me she expects the same in return. So, for the past few days there have been many situations where I feel like a robot thrown into a sea of living people and I’m just trying to get my humanity back. I’m trying to be able to sit in the kitchen for an hour and listen to a pained man grieve over his dead father without my mind wandering off and trying to find the least awkward time for me to leap for the door. I know that makes me out to be insensitive and selfish, but you know, that probably means that I am, which is exactly why I’m working on it. I hate admitting that it exists almost as much as I hate the fact that it exists. But, thank God, we have the ability to change the things that we don’t like about ourselves and that’s exactly what I’m working on doing.
Coming to South Africa is always a very spiritual experience for me. I always feel closer to God here than I ever do at home and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am isolated here. I mean, yes I’m around people all the time, but I don’t have my safety blanket of family and best friends like I do at home. I have Mpho, but even when I am with her she is always challenging me spiritually (I mean ‘challenging’ in a good way) and causing me to look deeper inside myself. The work that I am doing here also causes me to grow spiritually because it causes me to ask a lot of questions and face a lot of realities in the world such as no matter how hard I pray for the children in the orphanage to have clean water and proper food to eat everyday, they may not get it. No matter how hard I pray and ask our great big all encompassing God to please heal this country and not let another child go hungry or die from a preventable disease He just may not answer and that’s hard for me to accept. Being in the township among such deep poverty every single day makes me question God. Not His existence, but the way He works. Like, my entire childhood and into my adult life I’ve heard that phrase over and over “God answers prayers”. I’ve even said it myself. But, what about when He doesn’t? What about when good people live good Godly lives and pray for their entire lifetimes for God to provide for them and get them out of these slums, but they die hungry and sick in their shacks? What about them? What about all the prayers our generation and the generation before and before and before have prayed over these children dying motherless and fatherless from AIDS because they have no money to pay for transportation to the hospitals to get medicine? What do you do when God doesn’t answer prayers? What do you say to children when you try to teach them about Jesus but they’ve seen their parents pray to a Jesus that never showed up? Family, I know you are reading this and cringing and I’m very sorry, but I’m just being honest. What do you do then? Well, I’ve come to an understanding that that’s just another one of those things that I cant agree with the bible 100% on. If you ask, even if you are a poor mother asking God for money to feed your children, you will not always receive. God answers prayers sometimes. Impoverished people are reaping the consequences of a lot of man made evil and for some reason God has chosen to allow them to reap it. Poverty, hunger, disease, those things are not of God. I don’t know why He will not stop it and I don’t know why I continue to pray for it to be eradicated when I know if a prayer was all it took poverty would have been gone centuries ago, but for some reason I keep praying, I keep believing. And that’s why I say this experience has made me grow spiritually- because even in all that I do not understand about God and amidst all the unanswered questions and prayers I still know that He is real. I still feel something deep inside me that won’t let me loose the faith.
I visited both of the schools for the first time today. This is going to be so much hard work. What I’m most nervous about is the fact that I have no curriculum. I have to create this whole program on my own… well not really on my own because I plan to just allow the spirit to guide me and remember that I am only a vessel. I must remember that. I can’t get caught up in trying to do God’s work; I must let him work through me. That’s the only way that this will be a success. I was under the impression that I was only going to be working at one school, a primary school. But Pastor Vusi has also arranged for me to work at Mandela High School. So, from Monday to Thursday every week I will be teaching a ‘Life Skills Through Theatre’ course at two different schools in the township of Crossroads. The primary school program will be a lot like YEA workshop. The high school program will be geared toward putting together a big performance at the end of their term focused on what it’s like to be an HIV positive teen in a high school in South Africa today. We have chosen that topic because lots of the students that will be involved in the piece are positive and very sick which poses many challenges in school.
I didn’t know that so many children would be interested in the programs, but we got an overwhelming response. I am not sure how I am going to teach a drama class of 60 kids alone. Luckily I have two people coming tomorrow to help me translate and keep discipline. I’m hoping they continue to come help me everyday… All the school teachers were asking who is paying me for doing this and how much I am getting paid. Everyone is always so shocked when I tell them that I’m doing this for free. But it’s just something that I have to do. It’s not about money. It’s about making a difference in a child’s life. I feel so strongly that I have to give back, and until I can find someone to pay me to do it I’ll just do it for free. If I go through like sacrificing brightening children’s futures for pay checks I know that I will never be happy (family, I’m sorry I know that you are cringing again). But I really believe that one day this is all going to come back to me and I will actually have a paid career doing this and it will all be worth it. Someone once said to me, “Do the thing you love to do then find a way to get paid for it”. That’s exactly what I’m doing now and in the meantime I am being so blessed. It’s so funny how whenever you go volunteer to help people you end up being helped just as much. I am gaining from this country and these children just as much if not more than they are gaining from me. I am really living and growing and interacting and it feels amazing! That is all such a huge blessing. If you asked me where I’d be 10 years from now 10 years ago I never would have thought this would be my life, but this is my life, and I’d have it no other way.
Orphanages
3/11/2010
Today was a crazy day. I’ve been up since God knows when because I still haven’t adjusted to the time difference. It eleven at night, I just got home, and I am absolutely exhausted and ready to pass out. But before I can allow myself to do that I had to write because today I had some experiences that I have to reflect on, even if it is very brief. Pastor Vusi, Bandile and I went to a workshop headed by some American church people from Florida today, and afterward we stopped to visit two of the places I will be working at starting next week. The first one was an orphanage for children with disabilities. We didn’t really get to tour because the owner wasn’t there and we have a tour planned for next week, but we did get to stop in and visit. The visual was, for lack of a less harsh word and lack of the desire to use one, sickening. We walked in to a small room sweltering with heat and overcome with flies. Ugh, they were everywhere. There were 2 adults in the room and, if I remember correctly, 16 children- each with a missing limb or some other disability. None were able to feed themselves or walk around normally, and it was lunchtime. So each adult- might I emphasize that these workers are volunteers and do not get paid for their work- had a child across their lap that they were feeding. One was eating the food that was being fed to him. The other’s body was completely limp and her face was distorted. It looked as if her mouth and other facial features were melting off. Each time the woman would put a spoon of the strange orange lumpy mixture into her mouth it would just drip out of the corners and onto a turquoise towel that was laid on the floor. The rest of the children who were not yet being fed were all laying on the floor, some in odd positions that they were physically incapable of getting out of, allowing the snot to run freely from their noses until either their upper lip or a their hand that ran tardily across their little cheek stopped it.
Today was a crazy day. I’ve been up since God knows when because I still haven’t adjusted to the time difference. It eleven at night, I just got home, and I am absolutely exhausted and ready to pass out. But before I can allow myself to do that I had to write because today I had some experiences that I have to reflect on, even if it is very brief. Pastor Vusi, Bandile and I went to a workshop headed by some American church people from Florida today, and afterward we stopped to visit two of the places I will be working at starting next week. The first one was an orphanage for children with disabilities. We didn’t really get to tour because the owner wasn’t there and we have a tour planned for next week, but we did get to stop in and visit. The visual was, for lack of a less harsh word and lack of the desire to use one, sickening. We walked in to a small room sweltering with heat and overcome with flies. Ugh, they were everywhere. There were 2 adults in the room and, if I remember correctly, 16 children- each with a missing limb or some other disability. None were able to feed themselves or walk around normally, and it was lunchtime. So each adult- might I emphasize that these workers are volunteers and do not get paid for their work- had a child across their lap that they were feeding. One was eating the food that was being fed to him. The other’s body was completely limp and her face was distorted. It looked as if her mouth and other facial features were melting off. Each time the woman would put a spoon of the strange orange lumpy mixture into her mouth it would just drip out of the corners and onto a turquoise towel that was laid on the floor. The rest of the children who were not yet being fed were all laying on the floor, some in odd positions that they were physically incapable of getting out of, allowing the snot to run freely from their noses until either their upper lip or a their hand that ran tardily across their little cheek stopped it.
Just Arriving
I just arrived at my house. I am sitting in my little room on my bed typing this blog in Microsoft Word because there is no internet access in this house. I can’t really describe the way I’m feeling right now because everything just seemed to happen so fast. One minute I was at my grandpa’s house surrounded by my family and eating barbeque, now all of a sudden I am in Africa, all alone, sitting on a bed in a strange room that quite possibly may be my home for the next 3 weeks. It is scorching in here. I totally forgot about the part where there is no heat or air conditioner in this country. In the living room there are two people from a country I can not pin point speaking a language I do not recognize. I tried making small talk with them but all I got was that they’ve been here for ten days and will probably be here for about ten more. They aren’t very friendly, definitely not South African. We didn’t even get to the name portion of the conversation before the awkwardness became so thick in the room that I almost choked, so I decided to come back to the comfort of my cozy little room. There is another girl here too but she is sleeping. I only saw her coming out of the bathroom when I was coming into the house. Because I don’t have my American luxuries such as my cell phone or clock I have no idea what time it actually is. But, I think its around 12am. My flight got in at 10pm so that seems about right… I’m itching so bad already. I have the window open to let in a little breeze. My friend Kate says tomorrow is going to be even hotter… I need to invest in a fan.
The journey from the states was actually pretty smooth. The 15 hour flight to Jo’burg didn’t seem so long. It felt like maybe 8 hours. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get a business class seat- it would have been nice, but I am just grateful that I had a seat at all. However, for some reason I was the most uncomfortable on this flight than I’ve ever been. No matter what I did I just could not get comfortable. Neither could the two girls beside me though so we kind of made a joke of it. Eventually we made it to Jo’burg and I had 3 hours to catch my next flight which was to Cape Town. I was really nervous about arriving in Cape Town because I didn’t know if Pastor Vusi would be there to pick me up. But, he was right there waiting with a big hug and even bigger smile when I came through those glass doors. I immediately felt a huge sense of ease.
I wish I could describe how different the air is here. As soon as I walked off the plane the air hit me and I began to smile. (Here you walk straight off the plane into the outside not into a tunnel that connects to the airport. You have to walk into the airport after getting off the plane.) The air is heavier and you can feel that you are near the ocean because of its quality. It’s not humid- that’s definitely not the word for it. It’s more like little particles of the ocean linger in the air as to always remind you by its texture and smell that you are in the unique and beautiful city of Cape Town. That’s what I was greeted by as I walked off the plane and it was so familiar and comfortable. The feeling that I got upon my arrival this time was much different than the other times. It didn’t feel like the excitement of being on holiday in a place that I love, it felt like the comfort of being somewhere so familiar after working my butt off to get here for so long. I knew exactly where I was going. I recognized my environment completely and I found myself giving others direction and suggestions of things to do while they are here.
Pastor Vusi bought two people to the airport with me. One person I knew and the other I did not. The girl’s name was Kate and this was my first time meeting her, but we definitely hit it off and I’m very excited to get to know her better and build a friendship. Of course she questioned me about America and how she could get there almost the entire car ride lol. The other person he bought was a guy whom I have met several times but I still cannot remember his name. It is something that is quite hard to pronounce.
Back to the housing situation- this is what happened: I am supposed to be staying at a house that belongs to a woman named Hazel, but she said my room wouldn’t be available until April 1st. So, she made arrangements for me to stay in a house right down the road from her for this month. But, when I was at the Jo’burg airport I got an email from her saying that my room is now available immediately and that I could come directly there. But, I chose to just come to this house because I knew they were expecting me. I am supposed to go meet with her tomorrow morning so we will sort everything out and I will know whether or not I’m staying here or going there. I will probably end up staying here though because I already paid a portion of my monthly charge.
It’s weird because I am tired, but at the same time I’m too uneasy to sleep. I am anxious for tomorrow so that I can sort out my living situation and start to unpack and stuff. Im also going to buy a little prepaid cell phone so that I can keep in touch with Pastor Vusi and the rest of South Africa more easily. Like any true American I am so excited and ready to get to work at the school immediately. And like any true African Pator Vusi told me that this week I need to rest and visit and have tea and get accommodated to my new environment. He and some other people are going to come visit around 12 noon tomorrow, which in African time will probably end up being around 3. I’m sure we will have tea and maybe even a meal together too. I do not want to go grocery shopping until I know for sure that this is where I’ll be staying. I’m sure that tomorrow will be filled with lots of tea drinking and greetings in various languages. From Hazel, to Lee, to Pastor Vusi, to my beloved Mpho I have so much tea drinking to do lol. But, you know that’s one of my favorite things about this culture- the time and value placed on people coming together, having tea and conversing. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day.
I guess the best way to describe my feeling right now is a deer in headlights. I am just in shock that this is all happening. I know what it feels like! You know when you first get the keys to your very own apartment after moving away from your parents and everyone helps you get all moved in and then that night you hug them and kiss them good bye then shut the door, walk over to a box in the least cluttered area of the tiny apartment, look around, hear the complete silence, and realize ‘Oh my God… this is where I live’. That’s how I feel except multiplied by one million. Instead of walking from the door to the box I flew across the Atlantic. And instead of moving to a tiny apartment alone I moved to the African continent, but you get my drift. Anyway, even since sitting here typing this I feel a lot better. The shock is kind of dissipating, the breeze coming through the window is a little cooler so its not as hot, and I can feel a sense of peace settling within me. I think I will be able to fall asleep after all. I’m going to read a little more of my book first though.
So I guess the point of this blog entry is: I’m here safe and sound. And, I didn’t realize this until I got to the airport, but this is the craziest thing I have ever done. I can’t wait to see where this journey is going to lead me.
Also, I feel kind of weird about leaving the window open even thought we have an electric gate around the house and there are bars on the window, but I just cant survive this heat without at least a little breeze.
The journey from the states was actually pretty smooth. The 15 hour flight to Jo’burg didn’t seem so long. It felt like maybe 8 hours. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get a business class seat- it would have been nice, but I am just grateful that I had a seat at all. However, for some reason I was the most uncomfortable on this flight than I’ve ever been. No matter what I did I just could not get comfortable. Neither could the two girls beside me though so we kind of made a joke of it. Eventually we made it to Jo’burg and I had 3 hours to catch my next flight which was to Cape Town. I was really nervous about arriving in Cape Town because I didn’t know if Pastor Vusi would be there to pick me up. But, he was right there waiting with a big hug and even bigger smile when I came through those glass doors. I immediately felt a huge sense of ease.
I wish I could describe how different the air is here. As soon as I walked off the plane the air hit me and I began to smile. (Here you walk straight off the plane into the outside not into a tunnel that connects to the airport. You have to walk into the airport after getting off the plane.) The air is heavier and you can feel that you are near the ocean because of its quality. It’s not humid- that’s definitely not the word for it. It’s more like little particles of the ocean linger in the air as to always remind you by its texture and smell that you are in the unique and beautiful city of Cape Town. That’s what I was greeted by as I walked off the plane and it was so familiar and comfortable. The feeling that I got upon my arrival this time was much different than the other times. It didn’t feel like the excitement of being on holiday in a place that I love, it felt like the comfort of being somewhere so familiar after working my butt off to get here for so long. I knew exactly where I was going. I recognized my environment completely and I found myself giving others direction and suggestions of things to do while they are here.
Pastor Vusi bought two people to the airport with me. One person I knew and the other I did not. The girl’s name was Kate and this was my first time meeting her, but we definitely hit it off and I’m very excited to get to know her better and build a friendship. Of course she questioned me about America and how she could get there almost the entire car ride lol. The other person he bought was a guy whom I have met several times but I still cannot remember his name. It is something that is quite hard to pronounce.
Back to the housing situation- this is what happened: I am supposed to be staying at a house that belongs to a woman named Hazel, but she said my room wouldn’t be available until April 1st. So, she made arrangements for me to stay in a house right down the road from her for this month. But, when I was at the Jo’burg airport I got an email from her saying that my room is now available immediately and that I could come directly there. But, I chose to just come to this house because I knew they were expecting me. I am supposed to go meet with her tomorrow morning so we will sort everything out and I will know whether or not I’m staying here or going there. I will probably end up staying here though because I already paid a portion of my monthly charge.
It’s weird because I am tired, but at the same time I’m too uneasy to sleep. I am anxious for tomorrow so that I can sort out my living situation and start to unpack and stuff. Im also going to buy a little prepaid cell phone so that I can keep in touch with Pastor Vusi and the rest of South Africa more easily. Like any true American I am so excited and ready to get to work at the school immediately. And like any true African Pator Vusi told me that this week I need to rest and visit and have tea and get accommodated to my new environment. He and some other people are going to come visit around 12 noon tomorrow, which in African time will probably end up being around 3. I’m sure we will have tea and maybe even a meal together too. I do not want to go grocery shopping until I know for sure that this is where I’ll be staying. I’m sure that tomorrow will be filled with lots of tea drinking and greetings in various languages. From Hazel, to Lee, to Pastor Vusi, to my beloved Mpho I have so much tea drinking to do lol. But, you know that’s one of my favorite things about this culture- the time and value placed on people coming together, having tea and conversing. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day.
I guess the best way to describe my feeling right now is a deer in headlights. I am just in shock that this is all happening. I know what it feels like! You know when you first get the keys to your very own apartment after moving away from your parents and everyone helps you get all moved in and then that night you hug them and kiss them good bye then shut the door, walk over to a box in the least cluttered area of the tiny apartment, look around, hear the complete silence, and realize ‘Oh my God… this is where I live’. That’s how I feel except multiplied by one million. Instead of walking from the door to the box I flew across the Atlantic. And instead of moving to a tiny apartment alone I moved to the African continent, but you get my drift. Anyway, even since sitting here typing this I feel a lot better. The shock is kind of dissipating, the breeze coming through the window is a little cooler so its not as hot, and I can feel a sense of peace settling within me. I think I will be able to fall asleep after all. I’m going to read a little more of my book first though.
So I guess the point of this blog entry is: I’m here safe and sound. And, I didn’t realize this until I got to the airport, but this is the craziest thing I have ever done. I can’t wait to see where this journey is going to lead me.
Also, I feel kind of weird about leaving the window open even thought we have an electric gate around the house and there are bars on the window, but I just cant survive this heat without at least a little breeze.
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