"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all a matter of things shall be well"

3/20/2010
It is amazing to me how there are billions of people in this world but somehow God has time and cares enough to recognize me, and not only recognize me, but work in my favor. Last week I had a conversation with Pastor Vusi and a visiting American pastor from Florida that resulted in me posting a blog about God answering prayers, or moreover God not answering prayers. The topic had been on my mind a lot in the past weeks, but I’d been too ashamed and afraid to open my mouth and speak about it. But, when I finally did release my questions about God and prayer out into the universe I got more clear and immediate answers than I ever have from any prayer I’ve ever prayed. It’s like the energy I put into my thoughts about it and my conversation about it and my blog about it was offered up to the Universe and in return was given back to me in the form of answers. Or simply put, God heard my cry and He responded.
My answer came in many forms- from emails of scriptural explanations and insight from my Aunt/Godmother/spiritual mentor/great friend Angela, to very vivid dreams, to its actual manifestation in my life over the past few days. I have come to a solid and unmovable understanding that God always, ALWAYS answers prayers… the answer just may not be what we were hoping for. God is not a wishing well. We cannot go to him and ask for whatever we’d like and expect for it to magically appear no questions asked. And actually the fact that this is so is a blessing because judging by our history if humans always got exactly what they asked for this world would be an ugly place. Instead we are encouraged to offer up our prayers and desires to God and yes, expect an answer, but that answer will sometimes be no. I now understand that God answers our prayers according to what is best for us and according to his divine plan. Also the spirit whispered a little phrase to me in my sleep the other night: “divine timing”, and to make things more clear He gave me a living breathing example in my own life:
Yesterday I received an email from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust that began by saying “Dear Ms. Richardson, We are interested in you and your proposal and would be happy to submit your grant request for consideration by the Board of Trustees at the May 15th meeting”. I was reading this email at an internet café, but luckily I was in an isolated cubicle where no one could see my expression or the tears running down m my face. You see I applied for a $10,000 grant from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust. This is the first and only grant I have ever applied for so I have absolutely no experience in grant writing. I spent weeks and weeks researching trying to find grants that support the kind of work I am doing but it was very difficult because of two main things: I am an individual not an organization of any kind, and this is an international project. People are wary of giving large amounts of money to 23 year old bartending actresses with big dreams especially when the money will be used in a different country, and understandably so! But when my friend Natalie emailed me information on the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust and I read the description of the type of people they support I thought “this is mine!” Literally, as soon as I read it I was so sure that this belonged to me. I worked very hard and came up with a Letter of Intent that I felt really good about, mailed it off, and waited. According to the website we were to be notified either way by February. I heard nothing until yesterday March 19th when I got an email telling me that I am that much closer to receiving the grant. I am writing about this to share the goo news, but more importantly to share how that little whisper “divine timing” was the best answer God could have given me. You see, in my previous blog I talk about how I’ve been praying for God to eradicate poverty here in South Africa as well as throughout the world. Although I did not wake up yesterday to a poverty free world, I did wake up to a little reminder that all things that are of God happen according to his divine timing, not ours, or even the information on the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust website.
A few months ago I fasted and prayed for 3 days in hopes of raising $10,000 at a fundraiser I was having that Friday evening. That night I did not raise that $10,000 I was praying for nor did I raise it at any other fundraiser I had. I left the country with exactly $2,000 and a whole lotta faith. Now, in God’s divine timing I receive an email about a grant that I applied for from which I requested none other than… $10,000. I believe with my entire being that I am going to receive this grant; not because I deserve it or because my Letter of Intent was really good, but because it is a part of God’s divine plan and its all coming together in His divine timing. God would not call me to come all the way here and then not provide for me and make a way for me to do His work. He just wouldn’t do that, and I’ve always known that which is why even though I didn’t have enough money to support myself when I left I came anyway, because I knew He would make a way. I just didn’t know what that way was.
Please pray for me everyone. All the papers are due to the Trust on April 12th. I have to send in a revised letter of intent, 3 support letters from people who know me well and support my project and my integrity, and a short application. All shall be well, and all shall be well and all a matter of things shall be well…