whats ACTUALLY going on

So, I realize that my previous blogs have been very heavy with the going-ons of my mind and light with details about my South African adventure. I am going to blame that on two things: firstly I have not been journaling which I usually do a lot of so all my inner thought have been coming out in my blog, and secondly because this journey is as much about the inner experience as it about the outer. I can only expect to discover on this journey of self discovery.
So, I don’t even know where to start. As I said before there are SO MANY KIDS! My class is huge. Its so hard to teach a drama class of 54 kids. It’s not like math or something where they are all sitting in desks and you’re writing on a white board. My class is a totally interactive, high energy, kids running around all over the place proclaiming to be jello or ice, or fire, or honey or water or whatever other thing I decide to tell them to embody kind of environment. And it’s hard to keep that kind of environment under control when there are so many kids and only one me. I am thankful that Bandile and Natalie have been coming to help me each day but this kind of class is totally foreign to them so the best they can do is sit back and watch me work and to function as translators when need be.
The other big obstacle is space. The first day I used a classroom which was fine that day because we were just introducing ourselves so we were seated most of the time. But since then I have been holding my class outside in a space behind the school. This is cumbersome because the hot African sun is beating down on them and shining in their eyes as I make them rum back and forth across the space pretending to be animals but more than that my voice gets blown away with the wind a lot of the time. I have to scream so loudly for all the kids to be able to hear me. The seasons are changing so the wind in Cape Town is crazy right now. So my little voice regularly gets carried away with it as my army of almost 60 seventh graders wait eagerly to hear instructions on what to do next. I’m telling you, this is work! I’d give almost anything to have a classroom like we had at my high school and college to hold my class in... I’d almost give as much as I would for another teacher to take half the class or to be able to hold two separate sessions with 30 kids each.
All that being said and all things considered the class is going quite well. This past week I really just focused on getting them out of their shells because they are all so shy! It’s a cultural thing. These children definitely are not big bold loud American drama students ready to jump into the spotlight at any moment. They are shy and have to be pushed to stand outside of the crowd. So this week we did a lot of group games and fun physical activities to get them loose and having fun as well as to get them comfortable with each other and with me. They really had a great time! They are still pretty intimidated by me and quite embarrassed to speak English in front of their peers but by Tuesday and Wednesday they were really opening up and answering questions and volunteering to be a part of activities- even games like charades that requires one person to stand up and perform in front of the whole group! I was so proud of them. They were so eager and excited. They had come miles away from where they began on Monday. On Monday I made them each stand up and say “Hello, my name is ________, Today I feel _________, My greatest love is __________, and my greatest fear is__________.” You would have thought I asked them to jump off Table Mountain or something! They were terrified! But as the week went on the fear began to melt away and they really began to open up.
On Thursday I broke them up into 7 groups. I told each group to choose one topic that they wanted to make their skit on. I feel like it is way too early for me to let them start creating skits, but they are eager to do so and I’m trying to remember that this is not about me turning them into brilliant actors, its about allowing them to share their stories and to build their self confidence. So, I think from now on I am going to structure the class where we learn technique for the first half of the class and for the second half we work on our skits. So, after breaking them up into groups I went to each group and told them to think about this: if we could change one thing in the world what would it be. I told them to think about what goes on in their lives and what they’d like to change about it. I gave them a personal example. I said that if I had to do a skit about one thing I’d like to change, mine would be about love. I would make a skit about how love can cross all borders and boundaries. I gave them a few minutes to discuss among themselves and each group came up with a topic. The topics they came up with were: sexual abuse, gangsterism, drugs, domestic abuse, child abuse, prostitution and neglect… deep huh? After going around to each group and discussing their topics I was very shocked at how open they were, how willing to discuss these very private and deep issues with me, an outsider. But then I realized that to them these topics are not private. They are in their faces everyday and have become a regular part of everyday life. So, I pushed back my initial instinct to get teary and emotional and decided to take action which is what I’m here to do. That’s when I decided to move along with the skits even thought they haven’t gotten much technical training in acting yet. They have so much to say, so for one I am going to let them say it. And who knows? Maybe these skits will help change the world, and if not at least it may help change their community or help change someone’s mind.
I haven’t been back to the orphanages this week because my schedule at the school keeps changing and I’m just getting used to using the bus system. But, Monday is a public holiday so there is no school so I am going to go the orphanages and work for a few hours. Also, after next week the kids are out of school for 2 weeks for their Easter break so during those 2 weeks I’ll be at the orphanages instead of at the schools. To be quite honest, I feel wary of working at the orphanages. It’s not the same as working at the schools. This is going to sound awful, but honestly its like at the school I leave feeling good because I am doing something about the things going on with these kids. I am equipping them with vital tools that they can use to further themselves in life and help them to become more successful. But, when I think about the orphanages I just get so overwhelmed with emotion and feel wary of going because it’s like these kids have absolutely no stimulation. The resources just aren’t available. They sit around all day long waiting for their turn to be fed or changed. There are no nursery rhymes or toys or activity. Its just sickness everywhere… I feel like there isn’t really much I can do about it- except that there is. I have a vision. Pastor Vusi and I are going to open up our own orphanage. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like THAT is doing something progressive for these kids, more than just feeding them or changing their diaper (which don’t get me wrong is absolutely important which is why I’ve volunteered to do it). But, my vision for our orphanage is less like a hospice and more like a vibrant learning center where HIV positive orphans don’t wait to die, but actively live and learn. I’d like for there to be a day care center downstairs with colors and toys and all sorts of stimulating activities for the little ones. There will be a receptionist at the front with all the kids’ medical files and birth certificates which are important because in this country if you have those documents and are HIV positive you get a grant every month. So all the children will receive their grant money and I will be able to afford to buy them good healthy food to help them live longer healthier lives. Also, ARVs are free in this country. So, there will be a little nurse’s office that distributes medication to each child before they head off to school. My main goal for this orphanage is for the focus to be on living instead of dying. After talking with Pastor Vusi about my vision, he is totally on board with it. We have already identified the land we want to buy to build it on and are in the process of securing funds. Remember when I said coming to volunteer in Africa after spending $30,000 on a college degree was the craziest thing I’ve ever done? Well, I take that back. Embarking on a mission such as building an orphanage in Africa when I have no experience or the slightest bit of understanding on where to even start is the craziest thing I’ve ever done. But the vision has not left me since I first saw it while at Prisilla’s orphanage and I know better than to ignore dreams the universe is so blatantly laying before me. So, I’m still praying about it and trying to see how we can possibly make this happen, but I believe in it! And I’m very excited to see it come to pass!
Speaking of my orphanage, here in South Africa names are very important. You are supposed to live up to your name and as you go through life you are given different names for different reasons such as when you get married etc. Anyways, my friend Natalie was explaining all of this to me the other day because I have been given a name here. She had noticed that I wasn’t really using the name that they had given me so she was explaining to me the significance of being given a name. She said it is the ultimate gesture of welcome and something that I should be very proud of. The name that Natalie and the whole Funda family (Pastor Vusi’s family) gave me is Nonceba. It is a Xhosa name which means “grace” or “good deeds” so they found the name fitting for me. It is a little hard to pronounce because the “c” is pronounced by putting your tongue at the back of your upper front teeth and making a sucking sound… yeah, its hard to describe, but anyways… this all has to do with the orphanage because the name of the orphanage is going to be “Abantwana Benceba” which broken down is “Children of Nonceba” or “Children of Grace”. They are naming the orphanage after me  It is such a sweet and humbling gesture and I love the double meaning in the name.
Besides that things are good. I have a four day weekend this weekend which is cool. Mpho and I are going to Kirstenbosh gardens on Monday which is exciting. We wanna go before the weather gets cold. These gardens are beautiful! I am very excited.
Things at the house are going well. I have really been bonding well with my housemates particularly Levante and John. AND….. a girl moved in today! She’ll only be here for 2 weeks but it’s still very exciting. I really get along well with Hazel (the owner) too so I really like my living situation. I really don’t want to move. I should because Pastor Vusi has found a family that is willing to let me stay with them for only one third of what I pay to live here. But, the family lives in the township so its not nearly as safe as where I live now so I wouldn’t be able to walk places alone and stuff. Also I will loose the luxury of living with people that speak English as well as the comfort of knowing I’m not being targeted. I live in an area with lots of travelers so its not like I’m being singled out. But living in the township, that would be a constant worry and a constant fear. I don’t want to have to live in fear. But, I also have to be able to pay my rent so we’ll what happens. Hey, I do have $10,000 coming my way so I shouldn’t even be worried about rent  I budgeted for living and travel expenses in the budget for the proposal!
Okay, I’m tired now so I am going to rest. Tomorrow is Sunday so I gotta get up for church and all. Love you all! Thanks for reading! xo